October 20, 2006
"The Girl Who Punk'd Ashton"
I think this episode's title is misleading. I had to think for a few seconds about what the hell it meant, and that's not good. Was Ashton on this show...?
I know I told "America's Next Top Model" to be more creative with their titles, but this is just too obscure. It should've been called, "The Girl Who Loved Her Hat" because, well, if you've seen the episode, you've seen A.J.'s hat. I'm not convinced that A.J. didn't find a pair of Monique's discarded panties and put them on her head.
So. Previously, rocker girl left, taking another little piece of our hearts now, baby.
As an homage to Megg, Caridee plays the guitar and sings. Quite well. Weird.
A.J. misses Megg and has lost some of her spirit or something. Which is gay, yes, but Melrose mocks her for having a soul. I think Mel is just jealous and hopes to one day see her own reflection in a mirror.
Jaeda is upset about being in the bottom two twice. I... can't seem to muster up any empathy.
The girls sit around and talk about how the twins, even though they look alike, are really, like, different. It's pretty heavy stuff, this theory. I wonder if they're stoned? Wouldn't that be awesome if the camera crew was giving them weed?
Michelle agrees that, indeed, she is different from Amanda, and drives home her point by stating, "I think I might be gay."
Amanda kinda wigs a little and doesn't want to talk about it, to Michelle, to the other girls or to the interview camera. She's probably wondering, If she's gay, and we're twins, am I gay, too?
Tyra Mail! Something about there are no stupid questions, but sometimes people ask stupid questions, so... wow. They just blew my mind again. More weed, please!
The girls meet talking head Mark Steiner from Entertainment Tonight, who is going to teach them how to get a good interview. Which is different from other seasons, when the girls has to give a good interview. Maybe they thought this would be easier for them?
Caridee jokes around, Jaeda keeps spitting. It's weird and off-putting. And gross.
Michelle is kinda cute, but Amanda is boring as hell. See? Different!
A.J. gets stage fright. Melrose does -- I hate to admit it -- pretty good. But then she bitches that she gets no support from the girls. Is she kidding?! Like telling Anchal that she needs to loose weight is "support?" Bitch.
Amanda is still upset about Michelle being bi or gay.
Tyra Mail! She bites, so beware... something that starts with an S... I can't read my notes here.
Oh! JANICE!!! Someone named Geoffrey Thomas is having some show for his jewelry, and the girls are going to be interviewing Janice on the red carpet! Oh, man, I don't envy them. I mean, I love Janice, but you know she's going to fuck with them.
We are then treated to a Janice montage made up of all her craziest moments, all the reasons why we love her, in a neat little package set to music. I want that for my screensaver. Can one of you flying monkeys get on that?
Caridee calls Janice "over-pungent" because she can't think of the word she's looking for. So what word rhymes with pungent that could desribe Janice?
Brooke's all, "So what makes you so bitchy?" Oh no, she DIH-IN'T! Yes, she did, people. Yes, she did. She'll be dead by dawn.
Michelle sucks. Amanda... I don't know. She's probably wondering if Janice is gay.
Janice just can't get past A.J.'s bad hat, which Janice says it looks like she used it to wash the car.
Melrose is, again, kinda good. God, it's so painful to type that!
Jaeda spits some more.
To the surprise of no one, Melrose wins by Mark and Janice's unanimous decision. Well, it takes one to know one, doesn't it, Janice? Don't worry, honey, I still love ya.
Tyra comes in early the next morning and wakes the girls up. Dude, that would totally freak me out, seeing Tyra on my bed, watching me while I sleep. *shudder* Even worse, she has descended like the Angel of Healing to bestow help and guidance. See, THIS is the portion of the show that Janice should be handling.
Tyra sees a picture of herself on the fridge that A.J. drew. And how cute that the other girls hung it on the fridge like childrens' art. Tyra praises A.J.'s drawing abilities, saying that the likeness is good and most people make her look like an alien. Uh... I'm gonna leave that one alone. It's too obvious.
A.J. interviews that she feels alone, and that Mel is very abraisive.
Mel interviews that she can be over-confident, which pushes people away. And we all know what "over-confident" is code for, don't we?
Eugena cries and says that she can be cold, and that comes out in her photos, so she has to work on it.
Caridee says that, until three months ago, she had really bad psoriasis and never showed her skin, and now she's modeling with bare legs and can't believe it. Meh. I can see how psoriasis would be horrible, but compared to Lupis, it only gets a 4 on my Disease Meter.
Michelle says that while she feels like she's opening up, she feels like Amanda isn't being herself anymore.
Amanda tells Tyra that she's scared for her sister, coming out on national television like that, and America doesn't have a right to know. You know what I think? I think Amanda's hurt that her TWIN SISTER told her biggest secret to a bunch of strangers and the whole country before telling Amanda. And you know what else? I'm totally with Amanda here. I'd feel totally betrayed, too. But Tyra isn't about the empathizing, she's about the preaching. So she tells Amanda that Michelle really needs support and needs her to be her rock now.
After commercials, we see that Amanda has taken Tyra's words to heart and is with Michelle in the phone both as Michelle breaks the news to their mom.
The mom is like, "Okay. We love you no matter what!"
And then Michelle says, "I love you, too. Happy Mother's Day."
Oh my God. That's what she gave her mom for Mother's Day?!
Then we see Mel interviewing "stars" on the red carpet. She dances with... some guy. And then the flirts with the tall one from "Supernatural," the one who is not Jensen Ackles. She also gets Tyra to take off her uncomfortable shoes.
All in all, I have to admit,... oh, I can't. I just can't! I hate her too much!
Tyra Mail! You're going to pose with the person who knows you best. The girls think they are going to see their families, and I must confess to a morbid curiosity on this particular topic.
But no. Jay dashes my hopes. They're going to pose with themselves, as both halves of famous couples. Heh. I knew the J's would work a little tranny-fest in here somewhere.
Caridee is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Hee! They even bring in a couple of kids and a fake baby for them to pose with! The pose is typical Brangelina -- her walking ahead, him trailing behind with the kids. And Caridee pulls off a really good Angelina here.
Brooke is Britney and K-Fed. Oh, the poor dear. I'm scared to watch her taint her fabulous self with re-enactments of K-Fed's ass-hattery. She poses with a yellow python as Britney and is really cool about it, much to the chagrin of the producers, I'm sure, who were hoping for some tears.
Eugena is Beyonce and Jay-Z. Jayzee? I don't even know. I don't know enough about either of these people to know if she does a good job, but Jay seems to love it.
A.J. is J Lo and Marc Anthony. Hmm. Weird choice for her, but okay. You can tell she feels retarded because she doesn't get into it at all.
Michelle is Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi. Cute! She does really, really well and nails both personalities perfectly. So to speak.
Amanda is Demi Moore and Ashton Kuscher. Vomit. She's totally into it, and everyone loves her, but I just hate those two too much.
Jaeda is Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Wow. They really hate Jaeda. But she gets an A for effort from Jay.
Anchal is Oprah and Stedman. They don't even need last names. She rocks as Oprah (nice fat joke, Tyra), but the Stedman make-up is pathetic.
Melrose is Donald Trump and Melania. She nails them both on the first shot. Seriously. Jay is so impressed, he jokes, "You make me sick. Just leave."
Tyra Mail! Judging!
Tyra is wearing yet another pirate-inspired corset. Am I playing hard-to-get, Tyra? Cuz I don't mean to. You know you can Gmail me, baby! And if you're too shy, just have Janice do it. We'll all go shopping, and you and I can bet on how many times she falls down -- winner buys lunch!
Eugena has dead eyes. Brooke is hilarious and raps for the judges. Jaeda and A.J. suck. Mel is brilliant. So, no surprises there.
The judges eat donuts during deliberations because Tyra is so upset that the only thing Anchal knows about her HERO Oprah is that she takes her plane to go get donuts, so she drowns her sorrows in donuts. Is it just me, or are the judges trying too hard to be zany, now that Janice is gone?
Jaeda and A.J. are in the bottom two, and I know in my bones that Jaeda is going home. But my bones are wrong, and Jaeda stays.
A.J. gives the most comprehensive loser speech ever, something to the effect of:
"Melrose, you have it. You should be nice to the other girls. I believe Tyra eliminated me for the right reasons. I feel like I gave up my spot for someone who wanted it more, and that's okay. Maybe I even sabotaged myself a little?"
Ironically, A.J. is also the viewer's choice Cover Girl of the Week.
Next week, scary drag queens and Battle of the Bitches! Bring it!
Comments
Judges table keeps getting weirider and weirder. Was it last week Miss J had them all "glory dancing" and now they're stuffing their faces with donuts! Think the show will should be billed "What's Miss J Gonna Do Next At Judging?" Geesh!
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at October 20, 2006 03:09 PM