December 15, 2006
I'm All Over the Place Today
It's official. I have ceased to exist in the eyes of everyone around me. I am off the radar screen of reality.
People, I died my hair auburn, and no one noticed. AUBURN! Reddish-brown! That's, like, as far away from blonde that you can possibly get without going completely Cindy Lauper!
Heather? Nope. My parents? Uh-uh. Husband? No. Co-workers? Only one.
New Girl is the only one who loves me. Crap, I guess I gotta go get her a better Christmas present now.
And no, I'm not keeping the auburn. I'm going light brown next time, but not even the tiniest amount of red looks good with my very-pink complexion.
*sigh* Not that it really matters, since no one seems to be able to lift their eyeballs up past my melons anyway!
I saw Heather last night when we went to watch "Totally Awesome" at the condo of Gay A, from Thursday Night Dinners. I cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, recommend this movie. At all. To anyone. It was horrible. Not even the Mudslides could save it.
Granted, Heather may have been too distracted by the stench of the movie to notice my hair... but I don't think that's the case. No, she was having too much fun with my Gay. He even drove her home. Because I'm too lazy (and scared of minorities) to drive into the city on a work night, but that's not the point! The point is...
I don't even know if I can type this. My heart is broken.
The point is that they sang show tunes together! Heather! And my Gay! Those cheating bastards! I -- I don't even know who I'm more mad at!
Probably Heather. Openly gay Gays are pretty hard to come by out here in the 'burbs, so she can't have mine! If she steals him, I'm so stealing hers.
Oh, that's right! I said it! Heather, I'm stealing your Gay! And you know which one, too -- B!!! He's the perfect Gay -- so cute! So witty! And fully portable!
...
Okay, how did I go from bemoaning my hair color to portable Gays?
Anyhoo, enjoy some Ross the Intern Meets the Crocodile Hunter. Click the link -- you won't regret it!
Comments
yeah, I totally didn't notice the hair color. but, in my defense, we were in the dark for 80% of the time we were together, and I spent the other 20% of that time trying to put my finger on exactly what the theme of the bathroom decor was...so subtle!
I'm actually scared you MIGHT steal my gay, darling- you're so much more FAMOUS than me!!!! Famous!
Posted by: heather at December 15, 2006 02:13 PM
Wenchie, you seriously expected Husband to notice you changed your hair color? Guys don't notice those things. Trust me on this.
-L.
Posted by: Lori at December 15, 2006 02:21 PM
Oh, Wenchie dearest. I'm not "the perfect gay." Heather's far gayer than I am - I don't know a single showtune. Most fags use their hags as beards; I use mine to help me be a better fag. I'm just an otherwise-straight guy who likes dick far better than pussy. I guess I love my boyfriend, too. Mostly because, without him, I wouldn't leave the house dressed and coiffed gay-enough and then I'd lose all respect among my queer peeps.
That said, you are delightfully snarky, and snarky goes a looong way in acquiring loyal gays for your gaggle.
Posted by: bran at December 15, 2006 02:56 PM
Awwwwww, and he's humble, too!
Posted by: Wenchie at December 15, 2006 03:16 PM
H. can also attest that I've never sounded so queeny as I do in that comment. Oh well. We can't deny our jeans, er, genes.
Posted by: bran at December 15, 2006 03:21 PM