December 18, 2006
Super-Secret Tricks, Just For You!
I can't turn on my computer or stand in the Jewel check-out line without seeing the headline "Ten Tips To Avoid Holiday Weight Gain!"
Invariably, these articles are accompanied by a photo of three women standing around eating carrots and drinking sparkling water, laughing merrily at all the fools who don't know their super-secret tricks to keeping their collarbones fully visible 365 days a year.
(Remember, men -- it's okay for you to gain weight over the holidays, as long as you buy us diamonds and cashmere and cars and the like!)
So, in the spirit of sharing my wisdom with my favorite people -- YOU! -- I've compiled my own list of...
Wenchie's Tips for Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain
1. Don't eat so damn much!
2. See number one.
3. See number one.
4. See number one.
5. See number one.
6. See number one.
7. See number one.
8. See number one.
9. See number one.
10. See number one.
OR, you could just gain the eight pounds and fucking deal with it because, if that's the worst thing you have to worry about, you are clearly living a life that we should all envy and hate you for.
Comments
but I want to lose weight now!
and i want to keep it off over the holidays, while still eating and drinking myself into a stupor!
I deserve it!
(thud)
(sound of car screeching away....)
Posted by: heather at December 19, 2006 02:30 PM