December 27, 2006
Ping-Pong This!
I saw an interesting little piece of The Girl Child's personality on Christmas Day. I think she's going to do just fine in the world.
Some mildly-retarded crackhead -- I don't remember which one -- gave Brad and Boy Child a gift to share. Or rather, they each got their own identical one.
A gun. A gun that shoots ping-pong balls. So that they can shoot at each other. And people, if you think ping-pong balls are harmless, you've never had one coming at your head at 75 mph.
Dessert and educational computer games were soon forgotten in lieu of drive-by ponging. Mayhem ensued and became what will forever be known as The Great Ping-Pong Massacre of '06.
Boy Child donned his Darth Vader helmet and hid behind Husband for proction. The men in the family quickly learned to cover the 'nads with shirt boxes. It was a long and senseless war with many casualties. But a hero was born that day, my friends.
It was Brad's turn to duck and cover while Boy Child (with the aid of Husband) launched a fierce attack on Brad's ass. A lone, stray ball (ping-pong, not Brad's) hit Girl Child in the eye.
I sat up straight in my seat, poised to lunge forward and rescue her at the first sign of tears. She is a delicate flower, after all. But something... unexpected happened.
Even though she was clearly still hurt and on the verge of tears, Girl Child picked up her father's gun and started firing back at Husband and Boy Child! It was incredible! The stuff legends are made of!
Well, her glory was short-lived. Full-scale war is never a good idea in a crowded living room, and we had to settle the kids (and the fathers) down for less-bloody activities. But Girl Child, again, surprised me with her actions.
Having gotten her first taste of sweet, sweet revenge, she decided a little target practice was in order. See, the guns are kinda hard to fire and require a bit of arm strength and coordination. So Girl Child took one of the guns into the other room, away from all the people.
But I could still see her. She took aim at a closed door and fired away. Three or four times she picked up all the balls and reloaded the gun. And by the time she was done, she was an expert with that weapon. I tell ya, if that door was Doc Oc, he'd be protecting his 'nads with all eight arms.
Giving me a small smile, she walked quietly back into the living room and put the gun back in its box. But next time, people. Next time, she'll be ready for them.
Yup, she's gonna be juuuuuuuuuuust fine. Hmmm, how young is too young for a new recruit on my ship...?
Comments
You GO Girl Child! This is what makes being a woman so great! Fool me once, some target practice and WHAM-O! Who's the fool now? I love it! I can just see sweet Girl Child giving you that little smile that said "Auntie Wenchie, I'm ready .... ". SB
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at December 27, 2006 04:55 PM
I love it!! *completely and utterly agrees with Ms. Snippy*
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at December 28, 2006 10:59 AM