January 15, 2007
The Calls Are Coming From Inside Your Head!
What I want to talk about today may make some of you uncomfortable. It's an issue I have rarely seen addressed by even the most boundary-snubbing writers, comedians and radio personalities. It's even less socially tolerated than an open discussion of vaginas.
I'm talking, of course, of nose-whistling.
You know what I'm talking about. You've probably experienced it at least once in a solemn gathering, either as the whistler or as the person looking around wondering, What the hell is that noise?
I have allergies. So at any given point in time, the inside of my nose is coated with a skin of mucus that varies in consistency depending on time of year, time of day, etc.
Despite this, nose-whistling is rarely a problem with me. I'm not really a heavy breather, ya know? I'm not one of those people you can hear breathing. Probably because I'm barely breathing, and I can't find the air. Don't know who I'm kidding -- imagining you care.
What?
Nothing.
I barely breath. My blood barely moves through my body. My core temperature is below 98.6 degrees. I can't keep myself warm. I'm almost as dead outside as I am inside. You know what problem the undead don't have? Nose-whistling!
However, once I go to sleep, it's a whole different story. I wake up in the morning, and there's Special K in my nose. And man, it clings! It is often eye-wateringly painful to get that shit outta there!
It's the midnight Special K that makes my nose whistle. I've even woken myself up with the nose-whistling. I'll be suddenly awake, checking the Husband for snoring, checking the air for toxic farts, checking the house for sounds of The Murderer.
And as I'm listening, I realize, That's no door creaking open, being pushed ever go stealthily by the hand of an axe-wielding ex-boyfriend; that's MY NOSE.
And that's just the depth of humiliation, isn't it? There's no rolling over and nudging the Husband for a little nookie after that. Heck, you might as well just read a book because even earplugs aren't going to block out the sound.
Because -- get this -- the whistling is echoing in your head!
Trippy.
So, um... I didn't really have any point or advice on the subject of nose-whistling. I just thought I'd get it out there, expose the elephant in the room and open up the topic to discussion.
God, could you imagine if an elephant had a nose-whistle?! It'd be deafening!
Comments
Guess what?! I'm nose-whistling Dixie while typing to you, so never fear Wenchie, you are not alone.
I do not have echoing nose-whistle ... I'm accompanied by tinnitus. At leat the nose-whistle I can make go way with a couple squirts of saline solution! SB
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at January 15, 2007 05:23 PM
I have another guess what ... My cat Petie also has a nose-whistle.
Poor puddy-cat ... our house is too dry. That means we can have a nose-whisstle duet!
Snippy Bitch
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at January 17, 2007 04:09 PM