January 11, 2007
R.I.P.
So, Nicki and I, being the wild party animals that we are, spent an hour and a half talking about death and funerals and such.
Her father's first wife, M, finally drank herself to Jesus, and Nicki's mom, J, has made it very clear that she's not going to the funeral. Why? As she puts it, "M wouldn't want me there."
I think that's totally viable, and J is showing much decorum. And I couldn't help but wonder, If Husband's Ex dies before me, would she want me at the funeral? Would it be appropriate to go; or would it be better to stay away?
Can I get a ruling on this?
Would I want her at my funeral? Probably not. Well, I don't think it would be in poor taste for her to show up, ...as long as she's not wearing a party hat and hanging on the new widower.
And what about the girls? Husband would want them there, but I really couldn't blame them if they had better things to do. They could just come for the free potluck luncheon afterwards and be like, "Oh, sure, we were there for the service -- we were in the back."
But I'm not as concerned with that as I am with my eBay account. What if I put twenty things up for auction and then get hit by a bus? Who would mail the items to the winners? Who would even know what was going on? NO ONE! The money would just sit there in my Paypal account. Or God forbid Husband opens some check addressed to me from Karl in North Haverbrook. I really don't need that kind of speculation going on post-mortum.
Eventually, complaints would be filed, and all those eBayers would get their money back from my Paypal account. But they'd be bitter, and their bids would lack that carefree anticipation they had before I died. And that would be my legacy -- a shitload of negative feedback on eBay.
I'm going to have to type up some sort of informal will for Husband that will include my eBay and Paypal screen names and passwords. And, of course, the bank and account number of my eBay checking account.
Oh, I'd also have to include the name of the fru-fru dog food we get and the website I order it from. Lest Daisy be forced to eat, God forbid, Purina!
I also think it should include some kind of call sheet. Like who to inform when I die. I mean, I can't have New Girl sitting at her desk at work and get an email from the V.P.'s assistant, "We regret to inform you of the passing of one of our employees, Pirate Wench. Wenchie worked here for eight years, and temped here several years before that."
Meanwhile, New Girl is in hysterics and has to go home because she'd be so incredibly grief-stricken by the news of my demise. In fact, she'll probably have to take the whole week off. And I wouldn't rule out Xanax, 24-hour bedrest and long-term disability. She really looks up to me.
But seriously, would Husband know how to get in touch with Heather? I suppose, after a few days, it may occur to him to check the Contacts on my cell phone. But what if I get hit by a train? It's unlikely the phone will survive the impact.
What about my boss? HB will need to start interviewing for my replacement immediately, before the printer runs out of paper. I guess it's up to my brother-in-law who works here to take care of that. But not until after he has erased all the Xena slash-art from my computer. (Thank God I'm related to someone in the I.T. department!)
And finally, my blog. Or blogs. Well, my LiveJournal and MySpace can rot in cyberspace, for all I care, but this blog. My devoted readers will need the news broken to them gently. I hope Heather has started drafting my eublogy. And it had better contain the words Pure Awesome.
Comments
I still have your login / password, honey. I'd totally post an announcement, rending my garments and coding through my tears, of course..
"pure. awesome." is also going to be on your tombstone. or urn. or whatever.
also? everyone in your family, step or otherwise, HAS to show up to your funeral. because, well, funerals are only fun for people like me, who go to see which of the family members is most likely to be dragged there by the grieving husband/wife.
...and discovering who doesn't have a decent funeral outfit.
...and seeing what people picked to dress the corpse.
...and how awful the corpsey makeup is.
see? FUN!
Posted by: heather at January 11, 2007 06:09 PM
"Wenchie is on the roof..."
Posted by: Marty at January 12, 2007 10:53 AM
As Nicki's sister, I would assume someone would let me know of your demise. I also agree with J (my mother) not to go to M's funeral and sing dirges, but alas, Nicki and Vicki were there, representin'. Sometimes, it sucks to be me.
Posted by: Vicki at January 12, 2007 11:20 AM
Oi you! Dontcha forget to put me on the "Notify in case of demise" list.
I mean, I wouldn't want to think you dumped me or something! *wink*
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at January 14, 2007 04:08 AM