April 07, 2007
"The Girl Who Gets Thrown In the Pool" - Part I
Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Lolly is arranging a cage match, Elle loves me for no apparent reason, and Hope delivers the verbal smackdown on Renee for her incessant sniveling. Oh, and some stuff with Natasha and Renee blah-blah blee-blah blow.
Tyramail! Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet?
Well, Renee still smells like a bitch, and there she is bitching about Jael talking and Sarah taking credit and Whitney not killing herself for being a size eight. Oh, and Renee? Being mad at Sarah for taking credit is sooooooooo last week, honey. Get a new gripe.
It turns out that Twiggy's real name is Leslee Hornsby, and I'm sorry, but she does kind of look like a Lesless Hornsby, so it's not The Great Reveal that I'm sure Tyra was hoping for.
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it's Melrose. What the fuck is SHE doing here? Hopefully, she'll give Renee some bitch lessons so we're less bored. Melrose is apparently amazing because she ditched the white trash moniker of "Melissa Rose" and went with Melrose. Clearly, it's been her ticket to fame and fortune.
The girls must come up with a new name for themselves. Because, you know, if it's good enough for "Dani" -elle...
Whitney Michelle creates "Whitelle." Renee picks Nayiam for no apparent reason. Jaslene and Jael both keep their names, and I think that's totally cool. I would keep mine, too. My name is uncommon, but really pretty. I've always liked it. Thanks, Mom!
Sarah picks Moe. ...'Kay.
Dionne picks Wholahay, or some such silliness. Britney reacts by staying as close to her name as possible -- Brit -- lest she gets any of Dionne's crazy on her.
The girls are going to go to a party and introduce themselves with their new names. How is that a challenge? I do that all the time. I'm usually Octavia.
Oh, they also have to be eloquent and humorous without monopolizing the conversation. Ah, there's the challenge! Don't be dumbshits, ladies!
On their way back to the house, Renee breaks all three rules by announcing to the rest of the girls, "I can't wait to have some stimulating conversation."
Nice. Remember this later when Renee is trying to defend her behavior. Jael calls her on the implied insult.
Tyramail! Something about funky, cold medina, and while I love that song, I don't see what it has to do with the party as Tone Loc is not there.
But Benny Medina is. Oh, I get it. Hmm. I still think Tone Loc would have been cooler than Tyra's manager. One by one, Benny calls the girls into a room where he's holding court so he can put them on the spot and pass judgement on them. He's really a dick.
* * * * *
And that, my friends, is where this ends because I can't find my notes. See, I take handwritten notes during the show and convert them into witty banter afterwards. I brought them to Billi's on Thursday cuz I stupidly thought I'd be able to finish my recap there, and now I can't find my notes!
Well, if they remain lost, I can always watch the rerun on Sunday night. Oh, that's Easter, isn't it? I hope Billi doesn't mind.
I pray my notes are still in The Girl Child's room. I also thank Our Risen Savior that she can't read cursive, yet!
Comments
My model name is 'Anastasia Beaverhousen'.
Posted by: Hope at April 9, 2007 09:19 AM
I'd put you in the Top Two.
Posted by: Wenchie at April 9, 2007 04:01 PM
isn't Anastasia Beaverhousen one of Karen's names from Will and Grace? I love that name!
Posted by: heather at April 10, 2007 06:08 PM