April 30, 2007
The History of Swearing and Jerry
When I was still Jerry's fulltime nanny, and he was still a toddler, I would take him on errands with me. His Mom didn't mind, and it was nice for both of us to get outta the house sometimes.
On one such occassion, I was driving to Target (a place Jerry is very familiar with, thanks to me), and some jerk cut me off, causing me to swerve and my stomach to turn itself inside-out.
Also causing me to swear loudly, "Shit!"
Have I mentioned that both of Jerry's parents are pastors? Yeah. Well, guess what he picked up from Nanny? I sheepishly came clean to them, and they were very understand, but still, I was pretty embarassed.
Fast forward several years. Jerry was about eight, and I was preparing dinner. Predictably, because I was within a 100 yard radius of knives and fire, I hurt myself and said, "Crap!"
Jerry very politely said, "Could you please not talk that way around me?"
What I was thinking was Jeez, dude, lighten up. But I knew he was just responding the way he had been taught, so I smiled tightly and went to tend to my wound.
Then there was today.
I picked up Jerry from middle school at 3:00, and on the way home, I had to change lanes. An everyday occurance.
Now, I'm a good driver. Ask my Mom. I have to be because everyone else out there is a retard. Before changing lanes, I looked in my rearview mirror, noted that the car in the other lane was at a reasonable distance, and turned on my turn signal.
But as I merged into the other lane, Honky McHorn was all over my ass, scaring the shit out of me and forcing me back into my original lane. Then he had the nerve to drive up next to me and do the "What the hell were you doing?" pantomine with his hands.
So I rolled down my window and screamed, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT SHIT?! YOU TOTALLY SPED UP WHEN YOU SAW ME SIGNAL! FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING CRASH!"
And then I realized that I had just set a very bad example for quiet, little Jerry in the back seat.
Desperately, I tried to recover.
"Oh. My. God. I am so sorry, Jerry. That guy was a total jerk, and he just made me so mad, speeding up like that and blaring his horn."
And Jerry just smiled and said, "That's okay. Sometimes I get mad, too."
God bless you, Fred Rogers, wherever you are.