May 09, 2007
"The Girl Who Blames the Taxi Driver"
Previously on “America’s Next Top Model” – stuff. Renee, Jaslene, Dionne, Natasha and Britney remain.
Renee interviews that it’s “strange without Jael.” Wait a minute. Didn’t she hate Jael? Does she think that Jesus doesn't know she's lying?
She also says that “Britney used her short-term memory as a crutch in panel.” As an example, she cites their acting class, in which Britney memorized an entire monologue. You know, I hadn’t even thought of that. Okay, my sympathy for Britney is gone. Now she’s just a whiney brat.
Tyramail! Time for go-sees.
The girls will be judged on three criteria: personality, portfolio and runway. And they must get back to Priscilla’s by 4:30, or they’re disqualified. Criterium? Criterii?
Jaslene says that she’s going to be “calm, cool and collective.” So… resistance is futile, apparently.
Britney gets lost. HA!
Dionne asks to keep a swimsuit that one designer has her model, and they let her. Oh my God. That is so rude. She interviews that she’s “having fun,” but that’s because she has no manners and keeps asking to keep the stuff that she models. Holy shit. That’s gonna cost her later.
Renee knows that one of the designers just had a baby, so she sneaks some photos of her son into her portfolio. Cuz, you know, that’s entirely professional. And not at all manipulative.
Britney thinks that “professional” means “stoic,” so she doesn’t talk with the designers at all. That cricket noise is never a good sign.
Meanwhile, Dionne asks a designer for the shoes she’s modeling and gets only stunned silence in return. Frankly, I can’t believe that’s the first time she got that reaction.
Natasha is very sexual and flirtatious. She hugs one of the designers good-bye, and one gets the distinct impression that that’s not kosher.
Renee is the first one back to Priscilla’s, and then she dedicates her promptness to her son, whom she'd do anything for, even suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and fame.
Britney’s cab deserts her, only we find out – through the magic of film – that she never actually asked him to wait for her. D'oh!
Jaslene collectively gets back at 4:29, followed closely by Dionne.
Natasha returns a minute late and is asked to wait outside, which she does. Quietly. She interviews that if she hadn’t been late, she totally would have won.
Britney, on the other hand, arrives late and immediately starts crying and swearing in a loud voice easily heard by everyone inside, including Priscilla herself. Awk-waaaaaaaaard! She yells at Natasha for some imagined offense, and Nat just laughs. Awesome.
Inside, above the din, Renee, Jaslene and Dionne hear their feedback from the various designers. Renee was great in person but photographs “too hard.” Dionne has a great personality but bad posture. Much to my chagrin, the pilfered clothing isn't even mentioned.
Jaslene wins! And she’s so excited because this is the first challenge she has won. As a prize, she gets a photo shoot on the huge bridge in Sydney (I can’t be bothered to look it up), to beef up her portfolio, and gets to bring a friend. She chooses Dionne, as the only other choice is Renee, and even Jaslene isn’t that stupid.
As the three girls exit Priscilla’s, Natasha asks, “Can I hug the winner?” Now that’s a good sport. And good lesbian sport. Britney, on the other hand, immediately restarts her tirade about unfairness and blah blah blah and nobody cares.
Jaslene and Dionne climb to the top of the 440-foot bridge to find that Nigel is their photographer. Does he get paid extra for that, I wonder?
Tyramail! Something about Mars vs. Venus and rocket or rock it and future and planet. I don’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. Somehow the girls surmise that Tyra will be their photographer, so I must’ve dozed off or something.
The girls have to be on the beach at 5:30 a.m. for their shoot. Jay picks them up, and really, I don’t think I could deal with him at that hour. They will be taking two photos – one for a women’s magazine, and one for a men’s magazine. Both on a beach in a bikini.
Huh. Tyra IS one of the photographers. She’ll be taking the women’s mag photos. Tyra is in full-on piratey garb with skull and crossbones on her hoodie and a head scarf. It’s like she’s screaming for my attention. Tyra, honey, all you have to do is give me that hoodie, and we are BFFs for life. Pinkie swear!
The girls all have to get temporary extensions, and Britney starts in again with the hair angst. Jesus, enough already! At one time, I was rooting for her to win, but she is no longer worthy of my adoration. Now I want a girl with a thick foreign accent to represent America in the modeling world.
The girls pose with some male models on a beach. Britney’s eyes are “spellbinding.” Dionne looks mean and needs too much direction.
In the beginning, Tyra can’t pick up on Jaslene’s “vibe,” and Jas can’t connect with her guy. But after Tyra berates her a bit, she becomes “magical.”
Renee has to get into the cold water, but she doesn’t dare bitch about it, and she brings her “natural thing.” Which I guess is a euphemism for “didn’t shave.”
Natasha’s lip-pooching and lack of neck are a problem. She’s like a parody of sexy sometimes. Kinda reminds me of The Girl Child imitating ANTM.
Michael Omm is shooting the photos for the men’s mag. And I don’t even know why I bothered telling you that because none of us knows who he is.
Jaslene is “ready” and “hott!” Dionne bores us by looking mean instead of sexy.
Renee tells us, “I know I’m good at sexy.” *sigh* What’s Wenchie’s Golden Rule, boys and girls?
If you have to tell us, then you aren’t.
Crimeny.
Britney gives “sexual.” Which was the point, soooo…? Why even mention it?
As Nat comes onto the set, Jay warns the world that “she might give us porn star.” Oh, if only.
Tyramail! Eliminations are eminent!
Jaslene wants to see Renee go home because “she looks old.” HA!
Tyra is wearing false eyelashes to judging. In truth, she probably wears them to the grocery store, but I’ve only started noticing false eyelashes. Since wearing them for the show, I’m IN LOVE with them and want to wear them all the time. I’ll post some photos soon. Anyhoo, I like to think that Tyra’s wearing them as an homage to moi.
Priscilla says of Britney that “people don’t like…” and then I wrote something that looks like “the taters,” but I know that’s not it. What the hell does that say? Anyhoo, no one wanted to book her on the go-sees, and that’s really freakin’ pathetic. In the men’s shot, she’s hott with strong eyes, and the camera loves her. Her women’s shot works, but the guy outshines her. D’oh!
As a passive-aggressive dis to Brit, Natasha is praised for being a good sport about being disqualified from the challenge. The men’s shot is where her huge lips really work out well. She came to the women’s shoot with much confidence, and Tyra loved working with her, but her shoulders are too tense, and as a result, she has “turtle-neck.”
Jaslene won the challenge. Again – YAY! In the men’s shot, she has great eye contact with the camera. In the women’s shot, she has “great angles.”
This was not Dionne’s best shoot as she looks mean. Mean, mean, mean.
Twiggy loves Renee’s “come hither” look. Oh, don’t encourage her, Twiggy! In her women’s shot, she is graceful and “a different kind of sexy.” Like ugly-sexy?
Deliberations!
Natasha is “sexy without even trying.” She’s “the whole package” and really “wants it.”
Britney is “photogenic,” but her crappy personality “puts people off.”
Jaslene is “warm,” “lovely” and “versatile.”
Dionne is the weakest of the bunch and is even “going backwards.”
Renee is “great on screen” but “very commercial in person.” They think she’ll have a nice career as a catalogue model. HA!
The girls are called in the following order: Draglene, Natasha and Renee. Britney and Dionne are in the Bottom Two, so Jas won’t get her wish. Dionne gets to stay because “the clients see something special” in her, but she needs to soften her “strength.”
Britney needs to get the hell out and learn how to sell herself. On street corners. She interviews that she’s not usually emotional, and she doesn’t know what happened. Whatever.
Next episode, the girls embrace the aboriginal art of storytelling, and the Natasha gets sick, “the girls do some storytelling of their own.” Oh, the intrigue.
Comments
Fabulous recap. One thing you missed ... Britney was told none of the designers would have hired her. So Britney was the first model wannabe in ANTM history that wasn't hireable. Yikes!
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at May 9, 2007 01:38 PM
Thanks for another lovely recap.
Just a guess, but maybe the part you couldn't read of your handwriting was "the haters"??
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at May 9, 2007 01:53 PM
I'm so glad you did the recap, I haven't watched THIS week's show yet because I need the recap, yes I watched it but this refreshes my mind on who I hate and why.
Posted by: Hope at May 10, 2007 04:11 PM
no one likes a crying tater.
Posted by: Lolly at May 10, 2007 06:33 PM