May 23, 2007
Things I Do That Annoy Myself
1. Saying, “I’m starving!” Am I really starving? No. Of course not. Although I can see my feet just fine, alas, my ribs are but a fond memory. To say that I, with my Secret Stash drawer full of Snow Caps and Good 'n' Plenty, am enduring scurvy and faced with an uncertain future, undermines what it truly means to be starving. I’m a horrible, horrible person.
2. Waiting too long to go pee. I have a small house and two bathrooms, and yet, I'm often in danger of wetting myself because I’m too lazy to drag my diet-A&W-sodden ass down the hall as often as I should. Which means when I do go, about the time my kidneys start aching, I have to tiptoe, so as not to slosh around too much.
3. Conversely, waiting too long to go poop. As a rule, I don’t like to sit on the toilet and read or meditate or whatever the hell it is that people do when they take half-hour-long shits, so I wait until my bowels are damn good and ready so that I can squeeze one out in less than 10 seconds. But sometimes, I wait to long, and then I’ve got a turtlehead poking out. Not a comfortable walk.
4. Talking on my cell phone when I’m driving. For some reason, I can’t get it thru my head that I, too, am a witless asshole when I drive and talk. I will swear to make a sailor blush when someone in front of me has forgotten what the gas pedal and turn signals are because they simply must discuss the last episode of “Grey's Anatomy” in detail, but that’s just other people. I don’t forsake driving skills for mindless so-what-are-you-doing conversations. NooOOOooo.
Send your hate mail to piratewenchdotorg@yahoo.com.
Comments
I wait too long to pee, too. It seems to be a curse.
Posted by: Beth at May 23, 2007 03:29 PM
thing that wenchie does that annoys me:
being offline for more than a week.
send your hate mail to my IM, beeatch!
Posted by: heather at May 23, 2007 03:46 PM
I find that if I wait too long to go pee, I end up forgetting about it...until it's suddenly REALLY painful!
Posted by: Marty at May 23, 2007 04:16 PM
I wait to long to pee too! I used to wait too long to poo. Then one day, I waited beyond the point of no return. I'll never make THAT mistake again.
Posted by: Hope at May 24, 2007 11:21 AM