June 28, 2007
No Freebie
My new job is going swimmingly. Although, truthfully, all I've done so far is clean up the damn pig sty that is my cubicle and organize a bunch of crap. Still, New Boss is pleased with my obsessive-compulsive behavior. Plus, he has said that he doesn't like meek people, which also bodes well for me.
Because I'm going to be dealing with confidential info and stocks and huge mounds of scratch, the company has to do an in-depth background check on me.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- Thank God I don't have my name on this blog!
I have to go get fingerprinted today at 4:00 at my local police station. Fingerprinted. So that said fingerprints can be sent to the F.B.I.
Do you believe that shit? People, I'm a glorified secretary, and the last thing I'm going to be doing is flipping through peoples' files for juicy tidbits because it's all numbers and boring as dry, white toast.
But I have to be fingerprinted. Me, who doesn't want to do the one-touch fingerprint check-out dealy at Jewel because I don't want my prints In The System. Well, I'm In The System now and not pleased at all!
See, the way I see it is this -- everyone gets a Freebie. Except here in Chicago, where Freebies are limitless. But in theory, everybody gets one. Like, if you have to commit a felony, you get one, then your prints go into the system. Assuming you don't get caught, it's your Freebie! Because they have nothing to match the prints against! So as long as you never commit another felony, you're golden!
But now my Freebie is gone. I'm Freebie-less. Sans Freebie. And that just doesn't sit right with me because, if there's a felony that really needs commiting, I'm going to have to hire someone to do it. Can't do it myself. It's a very sobering thought.
So now I have an hour and a half left to commit a felony. Damn, I'm going to have to work fast.
Comments
My job on occasion compels me to commit a felony for the great good. I'd be happy to commit one for you someday.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at June 28, 2007 02:48 PM
"When a felon's not engaged in her employment, her employment, when she's not committing some felonious crime, felonious crime ..."
She's on eBay bidding on Barbie or Coach bags! Hehe! Snippy Bitch ; )
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at June 28, 2007 04:09 PM
I've been unable to commit a felony since I graduated from college and went to work for a securities firm. And all I did was carry the bank bag to the bank every day....I've often thought of logging onto the FBI site to see what they've got on me.
Posted by: elle at July 1, 2007 02:18 PM