June 18, 2007
Shortest Career Ever
Friends, I have been struck ill.
On the weekend before I'm to start my new job, my new "career opportunity," I have taken to bed, surrounded by kleenex, Zicam and Nyquil.
(Lest any nasty rumors get started: Yes, Heather got sick on Friday, too. No, we weren't making out. On Friday.)
I'm not the kind of sick where you have some adorable sniffles and a delicate cough. No pretty, little bout of consumption for me. No, I'm diseased to the point where I can't put my head down or I'll drown, and when I cough, green spittle flies out of my mouth. Lepers are like, "Ew, get her away from me!"
Obviously, God has smote me down for not following His chosen path for me -- as a Kept Woman.
Yeah, so, I called in sick this morning. Went a little something like this: "Hi, I can't come in for my FIRST DAY of work today because I'm deathly ill. I realize this means I'm fired, but on the bright side, you don't have to go through the bother of mailing me final check. Since I never really started. Well, it was nice... almost working for you. Good luck with... whatever it is that you do."
How's that for "dynamic?" Shit, I'd fire me.
And to top it all off, I just coughed so hard that I barfed. Which isn't funny at all, so I don't know why I shared.
Comments
It's my fault! I'm sorry!
The crud that my son passed on to me is TOO MUCH for my plus-sized body to handle, so obviously I'm passing it on to all my virtual friends.
I hope they don't fire you, and I hope you get well. Stat.
Posted by: CelticElff at June 18, 2007 01:58 PM
we couldn't have had the same illness, honey - mine was a sort of headachey episode of the vapors, probably brought about by my womb wandering about my torso.
you know how it is.
so, are you going in to the office tomorrow anyway, just to see if they still want you? have you gone to the doctor yet, so s/he could make you all better?
Posted by: heather at June 18, 2007 04:00 PM