Oh, good Gord. Can't you paint your furniture with something that tastes nasty to dogs?

I think it's time to wreak revenge by putting doggie mittens and a silly costume on her.

Yeah, I've tried all those bitter-yuck anti-chew sprays. She just thinks it's a condiment.

Is she crated at all or blocked off in an area that's COMPLETELY puppy proofed (ie: bare)? If not I'd go one of those routes whenever you aren't glued to her. It's the only way to stop the behavior.

Since she doesn't mind the anti-chew sprays (mine liked them too) try to catch her in the act. Set it up by putting her near something you know she'll chew on. Then pretend to not be paying attention, either hide where you can still see her or pretend to look the other way. The second she goes to put her mouth on the object to chew you should have a soda can or tupperware filled with change (taped shut) and slam it to the ground, not at her but near her so she thinks it came from the hand of god himself. Yell 'HEY' in a gruff voice so you startle her out of the behavior. When she looks at the can, you or basically stopped what she's doing tell her good girl and give her treats, maybe run away and play chase. It's the startle and redirect method. It can work but you need to be on her like a hawk and have her in her crate or safe place when you can't, which is alot with a puppy :)

If you need other ideas let me know (I work as an assistant dog trainer part time).

Shit!! That sucks for you and scares the holy bejeebers out of me. Our puppy is going to show up in a week or two, and she's a breed that known to be chewers. Until about 2 minutes ago, before I read your most recent post, I was sure I had things under control with the apple bitter spray and the Kong toys and the chewy toys and the rope toys. Sweet baby jesus on a tortilla Ms. PW, you've terrified me with your story!

I know you're freaked out hon. BUT. I am greatly relieved. Know why?????

My wood kitchen barstools look EXACTLY the same.

FUCKERS.

I wish they had discovered the damn WROUGHT IRON COFFE TABLE LEGS FIRST. But no, my barstools look JUST LIKE YOURS, and now the little rats decided that mommy's cawfee table is the perfect thing to chew on. I've verbally threatened to file down teeth, personally, even though I would never do so. (tempting as it may be)

And honey? the stealth shit thing cracked me up. I know just what you mean. I have that problem too. Doesn't it irritate the everliving crap out of you? It does me!

I think I better get a new set of barstools. Toby's been humping Ling Ling like hell all week, which means that in two month, I've got more little beavers, erm, I mean dogs, to deal with.

I'm so gonna snip Toby, despite whatever comisseration and guilt Z feels about it.

Rant over. FOR NOW!

Stella and my dog are two tops reasons why I won't be getting any more dogs for quite some time. I relish the thought of clean rugs, non-goobered windows, not picking up after bodily fluids, not taking the dog out in sub zero temps because she jumps the fence, not being afraid to leave the table if someone important comes to call during dinner because dinner may be gone (two beef sandwiches polished off this week), not having to close all the bedroom doors to save the bedspreads, not having lovely white scat mats on the living room furniture that are such an eye sore I don't use the living room, etc. etc. etc. I need a several year (decades worth?) break from dogs. Man's best friend - yeah,right.