July 26, 2007
Moms Say the Darnedest Things
I rarely remember to check my PirateWenchDotOrg email account. None of you ungrateful brats ever send me eCards anyway, so it's basically no biggie.
But today I checked it and found a bunch of emails from my Mom, regarding various posts from the past two months. Leading me to ascertain... I think that she thinks that she's leaving a comment when she hits the "Email the Pirate Wench" link.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
It's probably bad form to laugh hysterically at one's mother for all the world to see, but as she has told me many times herself, "I'm just here to amuse you, Wenchie."
And she does a damn fine job of it!
From June 13, More Euphemisms for "Poop"
In the future, when I read your antics, adventures, maladies, etc. with the canine members of your family, I shall do so wayyyyyyyyyyy before or wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy after a meal. I'm just about to put dinner on the table (if you can call Tuna Salad, chips and a big glass of wine dinner, ) and I have to put your tale of Fecal Woe out of my mind. I shall try hard. Better luck tomorrow.
Love, Mommie Dearest
One more thing, doesn't that long "e" word that you typed have an "r" in it someplace? M. D. again
I have no idea what E word she's talking about.
From June 15, Where Has All the Fuck Gone?
Dearest Middle Daughter: f____ you. Oh my God, did I really write that for all the world to see??? I am SO Ssorry, but I hope I made you happy.
Love you, Mommie
I love how she's like, "F you! Love you!" What this woman won't do to ensure my happiness.
From June 23, Ol' McWenchie Had a Farm
I simply ADORED the photos of the doggies. You DO have room for a couple more canines at your place, you know. The garage, the shed, the ugly bathroom. Have I planted an idea in your head?
Love and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXs. Mommie Dearest
She writes this forgetting that she and Dad are our dog-sitters. Unless... the idea that she's trying to plant in my head is that she wants a puppy for Christmas?
From June 25, Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
I am soooooooooooooo proud of middle daughter. I may see her hair walking down Prospect Ave. someday and I'll bet I'd just know it, too. Congratulations.
Love, Mommie Dearest
Isn't she awesome? She once said that, "A day without Wenchie is like a morning without orange juice." Awwwwwwwwwwwww. She rocks.
Has anyone here not seen the movie about Joan Crawford's parenting skills, "Mommie Dearest"? Billi and I saw it on t.v. when we were younger. I see it came out in '81, which would make us 'tweens at the time, and about ripe to become the eye-rolling, melodramatic martyrs that we were throughout our teens.
I don't remember, but I'm going to assume that we saw this at a friend's house because there's no way Mom would have allowed us to sit through a movie that would give us so much ammunition.
Billi and I called her Mommie Dearest behind her back for a while, thinking ourselves oh-so-clever. I don't recall how Mom found out, but she soon embraced the moniker and made it her own, proving herself to be much more clever than her daughters.
Thus is the reason she signs her emails/"comments" as Mommie Dearest.
Hats off to you, Mom. No matter how we girls tried to crush your spirit, you always managed to retain your sense of humor.
Comments
Dear Wenchie:
remember that time when you blogged about your mom's emails?
that was awesome.
Love, Heather
Posted by: heather at July 27, 2007 10:13 AM
I so love Mommie Dearest. I make a point of watching it once a year at least.
It was during the teen years that whenever my mom would tell me to pick up my room or do something which required any effort that I'd respond in a robotic voice, 'yes mommie dearest'.
I also have the rule about no wire hangers. First off they give you shoulder nipples and I don't need any more nippage thank you very much. Secondly, it's cool to say 'NO WIRE HANGERS!' at the top of your lungs.
Posted by: Hope at July 27, 2007 12:30 PM
Completely unrelated to this post, you need this t-shirt.
http://www.threadless.com/product/799/To_Err_is_Human
Posted by: Hope at July 27, 2007 12:36 PM