July 18, 2007
Fabulous
When I was young and had a totally smokin' hot body, when I could wear spandex without a bulge to be seen, I was disgusted by the men who checked me out. I thought they were lecherous and vile and should be locked up and castrated.
Oh, how I long for those lecherous looks again. I know it's horribly un-feminist of me, but at 37, it's nice, every once in a while, to be reassured that my youthful smokin'ness has been completely obliterated by old age and extra poundage.
Losing the luscious locks hasn't helped. It shames me to admit it but... I don't feel special anymore. I hate my short hair.
Which is not to say -- before you short-hairs start sending me hate mail -- that I hate short hair in general. To the contrary! Egrau, who has the shortest hair of any female I know -- probably about three-quarters of an inch right before a haircut -- looks fabulous. She's gorgeous. She's got the face of a 40's movie star, and she totally works her buzzcut. She puts those wailing Next Top Model wussies to shame. Shame!
Me? Not so much. I'm a tall, broad-shouldered broad. Aside from the man-baiting melons, my hair is/was the one thing that makes me feel girlie. Now that it's gone, the hogans are having to work extra hard, and they're not happy. Having led a pampered, pushed-up, expensively-cradled life, they're just not used to the pressure of being my sole lure.
The other day, I was out walking the dogs. I was wearing my yoga pants and a slightly-fitted t-shirt. Not horrible-looking, by any stretch of the imagination. And yet male after male drove by without so much as an eye-flick in my direction.
*sigh* I know I shouldn't care. It's vain and shallow and prehistoric. And I wish I didn't care.
I wish I had the guts to shake my fist at their departing cars and yell:
"Oh yeah? Well, you shouldn't look at me! You're not worthy! I'm much too fabulous a human being to be bothered with you! People think I'm witty and well-educated! I'm dynamite in the sack! I bake unbelievable cookies, and just give them away! Because that's how fabulous I am! More than once, I have brought an entire church congregation to tears with my singing! I am generous and talented and cuddly! I AM FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!"
But I don't. And then a 40-ish woman with curly hair drives by and glances at me.
And I nod and think to myself, "Oh yeah. I still got it."
Comments
I think it's awesome when another woman checks me out - that's a sign of true hottness.
Posted by: Hope at July 18, 2007 12:17 PM
Don't worry, Wenchie, I still think you're hot. Even if you're not really a drag queen.
Posted by: Mickey at July 19, 2007 01:51 AM
Bless you!! I'm 37 for 1 more day, and I think we all feel this way. My hair is red,and so much of how I see myself is wrapped up in that (you're so vain...). Thanks for saying what most of us are thinking! If it's any consolation, lots of guys like women with sassy short hair....my man likes a tall woman with short hair and spectacles!
Posted by: elle at July 20, 2007 11:16 AM
Thanks for the belly laugh this morning! Are you going to grow the hair back? It does grow back, you know!
Posted by: the conductor at July 25, 2007 08:42 AM