August 17, 2007
A Little Boofing
First, the definition of boof. Boof is, apparently, a manuver in kayaking, an Iranian fast food chain (I hear their logo is a sheep), and "a common slang term for anal sex."
I believe the term butt fuck was shortened to bufu (pronounced boo'-foo) and finally abbreviated to simply boof. Ah, the gays. What color they add to our language!
I bring this up because of Kelly Garrett's accomplishment as 1,500th commenter and subsequent demands:
Pirate, I had a good mind to ask if you've been boofed since you last babysat me, especially since you did not answer me the first time and if you did it was fucking bullshit since you didn't even know what boofing was.
First of all, Kelly, I can't imagine I gave you any answer the first time because my jaw was on the floor, rendering me uncapable of speech.
The answer to both Had you been boofed then? and Have you been boofed since? is No. Well,... mostly. But not on purpose!
I'll explain.
Mom, this is where you can stop reading.
Seriously, Mom. Stop it.
I'm not kidding.
Is she gone?
Okay. In my post-high-school years, I was kind of... free-spirited, shall we say. And when you pair a free-spirited hottie of 20ish with an old friend just back from military boot camp, well, things happen.
Naughty, sweaty things.
Things done as the canines would.
You see where this is going.
Mom, if you're still reading, I'm not going to explain, and I'm not going to tell you who it was, so don't even ask.
So, things were humming along, and in the position... er... I guess he sort of... at some point... confused the entryways, if you will.
Needless to say, the pain and yelling made it quite clear to him that we would not be continuing the day's activities, thankyouverymuch.
He swears it was an accident and apologized profusely. And I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt cuz he really was a nice guy, and why would you spring that on someone you aren't hate-fucking?
So there's the answer.
Kelly continues:
Instead I will demand the same prize that Garrance did -- lunch with you next time I am in the neighborhood. And who's to say a little boofing won't come up in conversation.
I'm sure it will, Kelly. Ya big 'mo! Shall we do the Mecca, same as Garrance and I? If so, let's wait until after January 1, because by then, the Chicago-wide no-smoking ban will have gone into effect. And I hate it when my hair smells like smoke!
As for Kelly's final rambling:
Second, I don't know who this "Heather" is who claims to have babysat me. Please identify yourself. (If you have a younger brother that I had broadcasting with, then there is no need -- just confirm that.) I should really have a "where are they now" type of blog about former babysitters. None have risen to the heights of Pirate with her internationally notorious blog or M.E. who is the bassist of one of the best post modern punk garage bands in the country.
Only Heather can answer this. And Kelly, if you had a class with Heather's Brother, then I envy you cuz he is hott.
"Risen to the heights of Pirate." Heh.
Comments
Wow! I am getting a double-fisted prize. You answered the boof question and I am getting lunch somewhere (probably not the Mecca).
Maybe we can have a green river at the Picwick.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at August 17, 2007 01:44 PM
I have no idea who was in Heather's Brother's broadcasting classes, but I can tell you he was/is tall, blonde, with blue eyes and a penchant for cigarettes, even then. and I think he did have Bielak a time or two, so, yeah. possibly. The best I can do for raising the Pirate level is by my awesome job, which dare not speak it's name. .. .
Posted by: heather at August 17, 2007 02:35 PM
Your mom is NEVER going to read this blog ever again. Never, ever, ever!
Posted by: Marty at August 17, 2007 03:51 PM
Heather, tell your brother HELLO from Charlie's favorite boy angel. We had the best time in Bielak's class and I even have much of our work product on video! (Someday I'll get that all on DVD)
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at August 19, 2007 02:26 PM