August 24, 2007
Don't Wake Me Up, Just Go-Go
Husband just can't stand to see me asleep when he's awake. I'm going to start sleeping with a stun gun beneath my pillow.
I don't know if the rest of the country knows or cares, but Mother Nature opened up a pissload of rain on the midwest yesterday. Sideways rain, green sky, no electricity -- the whole sh-bang. And this was after a whole week of wet weather.
I have mushrooms growing in my backyard. Fer reals. Stella tried to sample one, but I got it out of her mouth. Just what I need, for her crazy-ass to be tripping.
Anyhoo, the fun began at 3:30 Thursday morning when the power went out. Husband woke up the second the ceiling fan slowed down. I was sound asleep, but he felt compelled to wake me and tell me that he was going down to the basement to check the sumppump. As if I cared. He could have left for Siberia, and I would have been nothing but pleased at having the bed to myself.
Sure enough, the holding well was filling with water, so he had to set up the gas generator to run the pump. But first, he had to wake me again and tell me he was going to do it.
I'm like, "Do you need help?" I figured there must be some reason for him to wake me, right?
No. He didn't need help. There was no reason.
He set up the gas generator on the back porch, right outside the back door. So. The power is off, which means we don't have any A/C. The generator is as loud as a half-dozen lawn mowers, and the exhaust reeks horribly. But all this is no reason to CLOSE THE BACK DOOR!!! Why no! Why on earth would one want to keep out the ROAR and the HUMIDITY and the STENCH?!
So I dragged my crabby-ass outta bed to slam the back door shut.
TWICE.
Before he got the hint and kept it closed himself.
Stupidly thinking the worst was over, I had Billi bring Boy Child and Girl Child over Thursday morning to spend the night. After all, the power was back on, so why not?
Halfway through the afternoon, the sky opened up and the tornado sirens went off. As did the power. Know how much fun it is playing Monopoly in the dark with a 4 and a 6 yr. old? About as much fun as hearing Girl Child mumble, "Welcome to Poor Town."
I'm like, "Girl Child! We didn't forget to pay the electric bill! The entire neighborhood is dark! It's a power outage! Sheesh!"
Instead of making the princess eat dinner by candlelight, the kids and I left Husband behind to go to Thursday Dinner at K's, who had power. The drive there was fairly trecherous. There was tons of standing water. I'd drive through with the water splashing up as high as the car, and the kids laughed and yelled like they were in a waterpark. Meanwhile, I'm praying that the car doesn't die.
In the middle of dessert, Husband called to say that our poor, little pump just couldn't keep up with the water coming in, and we had water in the basement.
Let me give you a list of what, besides water, is in our basement:
1. Husband's home office and all his files.
2. Half of Husband's tool collection.
3. All our Christmas decorations.
4. All the stuff I have stored to eBay for other people...
5. Including the second largest collection of Charlie's Angels memorabilia in the U.S. I shit you not.
6. Our t.v. room, including t.v. and several couches.
7. Our treadmill.
8. Half my Barbie collection.
9. Our piano.
10. Lots and lots of carpeting.
In 1986, when I was in high school, part of my home town was under water for over a week. My aunt, Egrau's mom, has a photo of someone in a canoe in front of their house. We now live three blocks from my aunt, as do my parents. If it rains again today, as it's threatening to do, we're Fucked.
But back to my annoying spouse.
This morning about 3:00, the power went back on. So Husband woke me to tell me that he was going to disconnect the gas generator. Great. Have a lovely time. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
This morning, he had to wake up at 5:00 to get to an early morning meeting halfway across the state. And being the courteous gent that he is, he left the bedroom door open and turned on every light in the house. As happy as I am that we have power again, I didn't want every, single watt of it shining in my face before dawn. I got up and slammed the bedroom door, hoping he'd get the hint.
But just as I was falling back to sleep, he woke me the hell up again to tell me that he was leaving for work. So I reemed him out. He left me no choice. And then I was too mad to go back to sleep, so I could just cry from tiredness at this point.
With the nearby river already at flood level and two to four more inches of rain expected any minute now, there will be no rest for me. As soon as I hit "Publish," I'm going to start emptying our basement.
Then we play the waiting game. What will the water take?
Comments
Welcome to Poor Town. I think I'm embroidering that on a pillow. Seriously.
Posted by: heather at August 24, 2007 02:40 PM
Husband needs serious Don't-Wake-Sleeping-Wenchies lessons. With a baseball bat applied liberally to his balls, if needs be.
Posted by: Mickey at August 24, 2007 04:25 PM
I think you and K should switch husbands. K likes to wake people up when they are sleeping too and Garrance, well, he doesn't speak (except at the Mecca) so he would never wake you up! Just think, then I could be your visiting boy child. I've always wanted to call you mommy.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at August 27, 2007 12:48 AM