August 06, 2007
Too Much To Deal With
Oh. My. God. Isn't it lovely when some succulent piece of gossip simply falls into your lap?
At work this week, some guy meant to forward an email -- a very, very personal email -- to his wife, but he ended up sending it to the entire office by mistake. I don't know how the hell something like that happens, but I'm glad it did.
Now, the email needs some backstory, which I got from my boss and will now share with you.
Keith is the son of the woman who wrote the original email. He and his family live in the Chicago area but have a place in Wisconsin (in a town I will not name). He has three teenaged children, who are all staying with his mom for a bit at their place in WI. There are two boys and a girl, 16, 17 and 19.
Now, these kids are, by reputation, all drunks. One has dropped out of school, and one is failing out of school. They all have criminal records in their home town.
Keith's wife is currently also in the same Wisconsin town but staying at a different house and never around.
Reading this, I feel really bad for Keith's mom... but not so bad that I'm not going to print the email. What? I'm eliminating the names! There's also some people mentioned whom I don't know, but they're not really pivitol to the story.
Keith,
I have hesitated to bother you when you have serious issues to deal with in Chicago, but something has to be done about all these kids up from Chicago and their lying and drinking.
Their are putting your reputation in jeopardy. It is just one thing after another and they don't seem to learn. Why are [2 teenaged friends of the kids] up here without a parent?
Marie came to me yesterday and said [17 yr. old Son] lied about his age and she rented him a moped. As long as he had a driver's license, but not 18, he could have gotten parental permission and it would have been ok, but he didn't. Marie would have been liable if [17 yr. old Son] had been in an accident and lost her business.
[16 yr. old Son] and [2 teenaged friends of the kids] tried renting mopeds too, but Marie was on to them. Later, [2 teenaged friends] tried to get one of Marie's underage employees to get beer and join them at a bonfire at Cathy's house. [Keith's bro-in-law] went out to the Lake House to have [Keith's wife] take of this.
[19 yr. old Daughter] has been at the Local Bar twice and not noticed right away. She is putting Local Bar Owner's business in jeopardy. Owner is still waiting for an apology from [19 yr. old Daughter].
[19 yr. old Daughter] has brought beer up in her car and with [16 yr. old Son]'s help took it to the bunkhouse, where 3 more underage kids were, including a 15 yr. old girl. Some of these kids had to drive home. If I knowing allowed them to drink at my house I could go to jail. After I told the kids they couldn't drink at my house, I called [Keith's wife] to handle it.
[Keith's wife]'s solution is to lecture me on being too hard on the kids and not talking to them. I will talk to them, but they do not want to hear what I have to say. [Keith's wife] is the parent up here. Her punishment is not allowing them to stay by me or work at the ice cream shop. I am fine with that right now. All this is getting too much to deal with.
The MySpace web page that [some whorey friend] created including members [16 yr. old Son], [etc.] created is call:
Drunk in [Town Name] (Chicago Chapter)
Common Interest
For anyone who have ventured up to [Town Name], WI in search of wild drunken debauchery, and those who have made [Town Name] police report history.
Recent News: At 63 years old, Robert is the oldest (and drunkest) honary member
Officers: [some whorey friend] (Official dancer with Keith)
I am asking for help before something else happens.
Mom
See, this is why Wisconsin-ites call us F.I.B.s (Fucking Illinois Bastards). Can you blame them?
What kind of hippie shit is this don't-be-too-hard-on-them crap? Talking is fine for when Sally repeatedly forgets her homework, or Tommy goes out without cutting the grass first. But police reports call for something more serious than a tsk-tsk.
When I'm Queen, if some parent(s) let all of their kids become criminals, it will be my sentence that they join their kids in prison. Because really -- what has Keith contributed to the world except three reasons to stay off the streets after dark?
Oh, and to add to the hilarity, Keith has some business ventures up in that very town in WI. He has even gotten the mayor to invest in his business plan. I wonder how the mayor will feel when news of Keith's kids reaches his ears?
I'm assuming the whole shit-for-brains family will eventually be run outta town by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks. I just hope they don't come back to Illinois.