October 08, 2007
I Can Bring Home the Bacon
Well, hold on to your socks people, cuz I'm about to say something shocking. Something shocking that doesn't include the word vagina, even!
Ready?
This working full time ain't so bad.
Now, now, settle down, my flying monkeys. Don't get yourselves all in a tizzy -- it leads to premature aging. I'm still the same ignorant slut you know and love.
Of course, that Husband is home to take care of the dogs and run to the Jewel at my every whim has everything to do with it.
I get up in the morning, take a shower, get the bathroom all to myself. Then I wake Husband's ass up by letting the dogs bounce off the bedroom walls until HE gets up and lets them out.
Pure. Awesome.
At lunch, I come home, make myself a sammich, survey the work he has done that morning, and offer helpful suggestions as to how he could best spend his afternoon.
Mind you, not ONCE in five years has Husband ever told me how to spend my days. Even when I was unemployed and napping every day. I don't know how it works, this delicate balance of the genders, where I can tell him what to do when he wouldn't DARE turn the tables. But by golly, I like it!
So far, he has:
1. Taken the two 7' x 3' mirrors down off our dining room wall. (I know that Mike Brady designed the whole room around the mirrors, but we just weren't feeling it.) Patched the holes, stripped off the surrounding wallpaper, and painted.
2. Stripped the hideous, faux-country, dog-gnawed wallpaper from the entire kitchen. Patched and painted all the walls but one. (We're waiting for wallpaper to arrive.)
3. Painted the back door in a satin paint because who the hell uses matte paint on a door that sees more traffic than all other doors combined???
4. Washed two-year old Halloween-prank eggs off our garage door and gave it a fresh coat of paint.
5. Installed laminate wood flooring in our t.v. room, and is now working on extending that floor into the party room.
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE having him home! And he cooks me dinner! It's like I'm the husband!
"Honey, did you make an appointment with the vet for Daisy to get her teeth cleaned?"
"Yes."
"Can you vacuum this afternoon?"
"Sure."
"Oh, have you ordered the wallpaper, yet?"
"I'll do that as soon as I'm done fixing the strap on your purse."
"Can you re-tile the entryway next? I hate that white shit."
"Okay."
"I feel like Mexican tonight for dinner!"
* * * GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! * * *
And yet, he can't seem to find the strength to walk -- literally -- FIVE FEET to the laundry basket. All his sweat-sodden, paint-stained clothes have to sit on the little chair in our bedroom.
Until five minutes after I'm done doing three loads of laundry, when he will ask me, "When are you gonna do laundry? I have a lot of clothes that need washing."
Yes, you certainly do.
Comments
Damn, this just reinforces my idea that I really need a wife, of whatever gender.
Posted by: Mickey at October 9, 2007 06:56 AM
I have a house-husband too, and I love it! Cheers!
Posted by: Careswen at October 9, 2007 08:59 AM