October 29, 2007
Percolating
Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat your beans at ev'ry meal!
Are beans a fruit? I don't think so.
So, I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I've spent the past three days farting up a storm. One would think that I have finally become my mother, but Spikette is nine years older than me, so she gets to become Mom first, and she hasn't mentioned the Constant Farting Thing hitting her, yet, so I'm going to assume I just ate something really, really noxious that's just percolating in my lower intestine.
Husband and I went out with PJ, Ramone, Egrau and J Saturday night to celebrate me and Egrau's birthdays. There were multiple bottles of wine and multiple desserts and multiple presents (and a multiple-heart-attack bill), so we were there for quite a while.
After a while, it became apparent that I was going to have to Break the Seal.
(For those of you unaware of Breaking the Seal, that's when you can drink and drink all night without peeing, but once you pee that first time, you're going to be peeing every 15 minutes after that. So Breaking the Seal is bad.)
Luckily, PJ drank twice as much as me (being Irish), so she had to pee, too. We went together!
And, as will happen when one sits down and relaxes one's nether regions, I let out a fart that lasted about 30 seconds. Damn, I wish Husband had been there to hear it!
Of course, PJ and I start laughing hysterically in the otherwise empty bathroom, and I go, "Dude, I'm sorry, but hey, these things happen."
She barely eeked out, "That's... okay!"
And from somewhere near the sink came a voice, "That's okay by us out here, too!"
Thank God I was already on the potty because I peed a little I laughed so hard. I could barely pull up my pants. PJ was doing that thing where you laugh so hard that you can't even make any noise.
It was a beautiful moment.
I'm a born entertainer.
Comments
Wow. There must be something in the air (no, don't say it - it's too obvious). A few days ago my sister forwarded a rather amusing e-mail to me entitled HOW TO POOP AT WORK, and this was just days after I had posted a story on my blog about a situation I found myself in. If you go to my blog, you can click on the "In This Man's Navy" category and scroll down to the latest entry there. You will be moved.
Posted by: The Conductor at November 1, 2007 02:17 AM