October 07, 2007
"The Girls Go Rock Climbing"
But none plummet to their untimely death.
Previously on "America's Next Top Model,"... well, I didn't see that part because SOMEONE wouldn't turn off the "Rome" DVD!
The girls practice walking, and Kimberly confesses to coming from a small town "full of churches and horse crap." If this recap gets too highbrow for you guys, just lemme know, and I'll dumb it down a bit for you. *eyeroll*
The girls are working on their looks, and Bianca purposely gives them faulty advice. Because it's a competition, you know. And she's a surly cunt.
Saleisha, whom I will from now on be calling Sal because Saleisha is awkward, leads some of the other girls in giving Heather a makeover. They pull her hair back and make her change her clothes. She seems to be enjoying the attention, which is nice.
It's a sweet, little moment, which Biana has to piss all over by saying it's a "pity call" and questioning whether or not Heather "deserves it." She really is a delightful, little creature, isn't she?
Tyra Mail!
The girls go to a building with a sign in front called Fashion Madhouse. Inside, it done up all haunted-y, complete with crazy person in straight jacket. A couple of the girls are crying. Jesus Christ. There's no crying in baseball!
Turns out the only dangerous lunatic there is Miss J, who is going to "cure their fashion ailments." By putting them in straight jackets and making them walk. I don't know what that's going to cure exactly, but it sure is a lovely visual!
Miss J actually says to the girls -- get this -- "It's so important that you use you legs."
Um. Okay. Cuz walking... is with the legs, right? Am I missing something here? Isn't the dictionary definition of "walking" pretty much just... "use your legs?"
Modeling is so hard!
And here is where I find out that the girl I've been calling Aubriel is really Ambreal. Well, serves her right for having such a goofy-ass name.
While walking, Miss Yale interviews, "I got into Yale. I should be able to walk, right?" You'd think so, wouldn't you? As long as you're not chewing gum at the same time.
Bianca charmingly interviews that, "The other girls need a signature walk beacause they have no personality. I don't need a signature walk because I got personality." True, dear, but not a good one.
Later, Bianca and Sal get into a fight and agree that they are not each other's competition. It's an awkward moment for all.
Bianca then interviews that if Sal is going to get all up in her grill, she's going to take the competition up a notch. "I'll start cutting up clothes. I am a model. I can be very high fashion."
I take a moment to have a little fantasy where Bianca does cut up the other girls' clothes. And the other girls all wear them to Panel, where Tyra inquires about them, and the girls all narc on Bianca, inspiring Tyra to go absolutely ape-shit on her. Now that would be good television. Unfortunately, you know Bianca is all talk, and we're not going to get anything exciting outta her.
Tyra Mail! Something about "bound to be a success." Are the girls going to be bound again? Now I've got a hankerin' to see that movie.
Roy Campbell is there to to the girls they're going to be in a couture fashion show given by Colleen Quen. The girls must embody "the spirit of the garment." The winner goes to Paris to be in Quen's 2008 show.
Sweet, merciful Jesus, the gowns are GORGEOUS. But the girls are wooden and don't seem to embody anything at all, except fear.
Ebony and Sarah bump on the catwalk. And this is a big, freakin' deal every single season. Oh no! Bumping shoulders! Is this the biggest faux pas you can commit in the fashion world? Well, with those bony shoulders, it's probably more painful than it looks.
Heather has bad posture but looks elegant. Somehow. Sal has good movement. Bianca is very strong but needs to find her soft side, too. Kimberly's soul is empty, says Quen. Ouch. That's kind of harsh considering all Quen did was watch her walk for 30 seconds. Damn.
Ebony denies the bump was deliberate, and I don't care enough to speculate either way.
Sal is the winner, which sends Bianca off to stomp on the sour grapes and interview that the things she should have won. Whatever.
Next, the girls do some sort of rock climbing shoot. In evening gowns. A couple girls are afraid of heights, but neither have a freak-out.
Sal, at first, looks like a "model on a wire," but then turns awesome after Jay yells at her. When he asks Victoria what she was thinking of while posing, she says something about being "a sea nymph on acid."
Ho-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
Ambreal is "stunning" and "disgustingly fabulous." I miss what goes on with Chantal and Ebony cuz I'm eating sweet potato pie, but I don't care about either of them that much anyway.
Sarah and Kimberly are utterly forgettable. Jenna is awesome, Heather is amazing, and Sal is proud of Heather.
Tyra Mail! Time to see the judges!
Heather isn't looking forward to having to say good-bye to any of the girls. Bianca, in sharp contrast, says that Heather was gorgeous and is going to go far, "So I have to stop her."
And why does that make me love her just a teeny bit?
At Panel, Miss J has a fro, Tyra has bangs and a French accent.
Heather totally delivered. Janet us uber-sexy but needs consistency in her photos. Ebony thinks she's going home, but her legs are great, and I just noticed how bony her shoulders are. That bump must've hurt!
Kimberly is charming but disappointing. Chantal is edgey, to my surprise. Sarah looks great with her "cock of a neck." Wha---?
Lisa's got her hootchie leg way up in the air, which might explain why her face looks self-conscious. Sal looks like the girl next door and needs to fight that.
Bianca has an awkward pose and looks mad. She says that anger is the emotion that comes easiest to her. What a coinsidence! Same with everyone withing 10 yards of her!
Victoria looks questioning. Ambreal is niiiiiiiiiice and elegant. Jenna has a great back.
And the Cover Girl of the Week is HEATHER!!!
The judges deliberate.
Heather always gives a great photo. Janet is sexy. Bianca is "mad as hell" and "doesn't have it."
Tyra thinks the competition is too much for Ebony. Kim has "no nutritional fashion value" and tends to "go hootchie." Chantal... I can't read what I wrote.
Sarah is awkward. Lisa gave a brave shot. Sal has a lot of courage, too, and gave good face even upside down. Jenna is stunning. Ambreal is not your typical model.
Victoria seems to argue with Twiggy a lot. Weird. They show a clip from last episode, too, and it does seem that she's got it in for Twiggy. Wouldn't it be cool if there was some weird backstory? Like Twiggy had an affair with Victoria's Dad or something?
All the girls are called except for Kimberly and Bianca. And since I hate Bianca more, I know she's not going home. And I'm right.
Bianca stays, but Tyra confesses to being the only one that likes her.
Kimberly leaves crying and upset because she just wanted everyone to be proud of her. Awwwwwwwwwww.
Next week: Wenchie's favorite episode: MAKEOVERS! Someone gets all their hair cut off! AWESOME! Okay, anyone who wants to come over and watch this with me is officially invited! I'm serious! Other people's pain is more fun when shared with friends!
Comments
OMG! I read the title and thought this had something to do with your lesbian weekend in Door County. I'm glad (for your safety) to be mistaken!
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at October 8, 2007 05:24 PM
Lesbian weekend in Door County?!
I never have time to watch this show - which makes me love your recaps even more.
Posted by: Shannon at October 9, 2007 11:09 AM