November 05, 2007
"The Girl Who Runs Into the Glass Door"
While the title of this episode sounds promising, I didn't really rush to get this recap done because it's one of those Recap of the First Half of the Show episodes. (Done for whose benefit, I can't imagine.) In fact, I only just watched the episode last night.
I'm not going to recap the stuff we've already seen. Just the bonus extras... or the parts I missed because I was getting pudding from the fridge.
Thirty-three broke-down models set sail. But first! They had to get through Cap'n J's Fashion Check Point, where he made all the girls open their luggage so he could throw away their tights, hootchie skirts, etc.
I'm telling you right now, I could watch an entire hour of Miss J emptying these girls' suitcases and mocking their fashion choices. Unfortunately, all I got was 10 seconds.
It's interesting to see how Ebony was at the beginning of the season, before the panel of judges pulverized her will to live. What a bitch! She openly confesses that she's going to ruin the other "bitches'" self-esteem in order to win. Huh. Guess that didn't go too well, eh?
Miss Yale gets sick on the boat. And I think they showed that before, but I just really enjoyed it. She was such a self-righteous little twat.
And then there's Spontaniouse. Don't correct me -- she doesn't spell it right, either. She and her accent are from Alabama, and she tells the panel a very graphic story of how spontaneous her birth was, and that's why her Mom named her that. Ew.
There's a montage that Tyra prefaces with some bullshit about "poise and grace," so the clips of clumsy, screaming, running, falling girls is no surprise.
HA! Biana runs into a glass door! Like a bird! Or a model with the I.Q. of a bird! Oh my God, that's so awesome. And they show the very detailed face-grease mark she leaves on the glass. It's disturbing.
Tyra's "No Smoking Season" rule forces Jenah to quit cold turkey, which she deals with by pelting the other models with... small heads of lettuce? I can't tell, but they hurt, and the girls aren't happy.
Then, in a fantastic display of karma, Jenah smacks her face on the bottom of the pool, chipping her tooth. Bwaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Unfortunately, the procedure to fix it is painless.
Long-haired Bianca, who is decidedly different than bald Bianca, throws down with Saliesha for no apparent reason, so Chantal jumps in the mix and goes totally Jerry Springer on Bianca. It's ridiculous. What could have been a lovely and heroic moment is turned into, "This is how you walk!" "Yeah? Well, this is how you walk!"
Bianca interviews that she decided to mess with Heather. She cuts in front of Heather, who is waiting to use the phone. And then she defends her actions by saying that Heather is acting 12. I hope that, for the rest of her life, Bianca is embarassed by her actions on national television. She's entirely pointless. She shouldn't even exist.
And in another splendid karmic event, Kim is sent home, and Bianca is left feeling very lonely. HA!
Jenah helps Bianca plunge a toilet. Looks like Biance used an entire roll of toilet paper. Let's not go there.
Sal stresses frantically over her new, short hair-do.
Well, it's a good thing they didn't give Ambreal extensions because she "hates hair." She says it feels like "bugs and spiderwebs." I have so many theories about this. What the hell kind of house did she grow up in?
We see Miss Yale jumping down Twiggy's throat again, and Tyra calls her abraisive. Miss Yale interviews something about how she "comes off as" abraisive, but she's not.
Lemme give you a little life lesson here. If everyone thinks you "come off as" something, then you ARE that something. It's not a mistake that the entire world is making. It's a personality flaw that you should probably spend some time reflecting on.
Jenah steals Sarah's bikini top in the pool, so Sarah steals Jenah's, and they both run through the house topless. I wonder if the crew is all female or what?
Bald Bianca has the other girls play a game with her. She tears up some tissue and puts it in the middle of their little circle. The girls all take however many pieces they want, and for every piece, they have to tell something really personal about themselves.
Bianca explains why she's such a bitch, and instead of using it as an excuse to continue to be a bitch, takes the opportunity to compliment all the girls. This must be the turning point where she becomes a decent human being. It's the Miricle of the Tissue Game. I'm so doing this at my next Movie Night.
Oh God. It's Tyra "rap session" with the girls. This time, it's about body image. Some chick doctor joins them, along with Dani, to talk about being told to lose weight, as they inevitably will be.
Dani was told to lose, and she was mad and scared and didn't want to betray herself... so she lost the weight. The whole thing basically boils down to a lot of lip service because Tyra's final message is, "Do whatever it takes to make your dream happen." Nice.
Then we have to watch the whole painful encounter with that hot, black guy. Not much to say except to repeat Sarah's reaction, which is perhaps the most quotable quote of the season:
"Once he looked at my boobs, but he was really classy and subtle about it."
Love it. And you can't top that so why try?
Tune in later this week for the Julio Inglesias video gone horribly awry.
Comments
I've getting into reruns fo this show on mtv. I love how solemn Tyra gets at the end when handing out the photos!
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at November 5, 2007 05:37 PM