November 08, 2007
"The Girls Who Crawl"
Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Wenchie ate pudding and did her nails while watching the episode, and still managed to write a recap that was way too long.
Okay, before I start -- did anyone see the episode of the Tyra Banks Show where she talked about What's Up Down There? Tyra Banks and vaginas! I can't believe I missed it! If you have it TiVo-ed, lemme know because I'm coming over. I'll bring cookies and wine!
So, the girls are talking about Ebony's decision to go and how it was the right thing for her to do. Ambreal is very aware that she's "not supposed to be here," so she has to prove that she belongs in the competition.
Sarah is scared about her weight, since she now no longer fits in any modeling category. She's not super-thin, and she's not big enough. So basically, there's no room for NORMAL in modeling. There's so much wrong with that, I can't even go into it.
Chantal talks about how the "other girls are lacking," but that she's "got it all." A sure sign that she's going home.
The ever-charming Bianca is talking smack about Heather right in front of her, right to her face. She says that Heather doesn't do anything and doesn't work at anything. The other girls start to defend her, and Bianca wonders why they all stick up for her.
Um, maybe because it's human nature? Maybe because you're forcing them to defend her by always harping on her? Maybe because it's human instinct to want to protect anyone being treated badly or unfairly? It's not a mystery, bitch!
Bianca hates that they treat her differently. Frankly, I don't see any coddling going on. I just see the girls aware that Heather has some challenges, and they are trying to make her comfortable.
Then Bianca adds that they shouldn't be making the competition easier for Heather because "she's kicking your asses."
Tyra Mail! "This is why I'm hot, and this is why you're not." ... Wigs?
The girls have to put on skin colored leotards, which are not flattering on ANYONE. Then Tyra comes in a la Debbie Allen and gives them the dance teacher's lecture from "Fame."
The girls need to learn how to move sexily for film. I think Tyra really has her work cut out for her. As pretty as these girls are, frankly, they're too young and gangly to be very sexy. And Sarah is the only one with any butt to speak of.
The girls learn a sexier runway walk, "eye penetration" (ew), coyness, sliding down a wall (legs together) and crawling. And when doing all these things, the emphasis is on classy sexy, not hootchie. And I don't think that really classy women crawl or slide down walls, but what do I know.
Tyra voice-overs that Chantal is "running on half a tank of gas" and "not pushing." Yup, she's going home.
Bianca "holds back" and "becomes insecure" when Tyra coaches her. And when Tyra gushes all over Heather, Bianca interviews that "Heather can do no wrong."
Tyra says that Heather has a "Tim Burton-esque sexuality." Oh my God. Is that a good thing?
Feeling discouraged that she hasn't broken Heather's will to live, yet, Bianca finds a new victim. As she and Sarah stand at the mirror in the bathroom, Bianca tactlessly says, "I weigh the most of all the girls in the house."
Sarah just gives her a tired, are-you-fucking-kidding-me look and says, "Do you really wanna play that game?" And then walks away.
Tyra Mail! Something about musicians and the spotlight. I guess I would be as excited as the girls, if I didn't already know that it's Enrique Iglesias, and he's about as believable as a heterosexual dreamboat as I am as a nun.
Jessie Terrero is there, and he's apparently some big-time video director. But he's not on Wikipedia, so how famous could he be? (Okay, I just checked to see if I'm on Wikipedia. I'm not.)
Oh my God. The costumes are totally Caberet-Drag-Queen. They're all black pleather and strappy and buckles and netting. Terrero says he's going for a "vampire-esque, goth look," but this ain't it. Don't vampires wear, like, head-to-toe velvet and capes and such?
One of the girls is to have a "featured role," but they cut to commercial before it's announced. Of course.
Oh Lord. Drew Barrymore is touting Cover Girl now. Is she hard up for money or something? I'm just saying, a big Hollywood name like Drew is not going to Walmart and buying Cover Girl. She's getting free shit from NARS and Laura Mercier and such. I'm just sayin'.
And the featured girl is Lisa. Blech. She's definitely not one of my favorites. Terrero says she has "the right vibe." Thin hair is a vibe now? And in a surprise move, he also picks Heather for a featured role. (And judging from the video, "featured role" means you get to touch Enrique.)
Bianca is all, "Are you kidding me?!"
Chantal brags that, "I have this natural talent" and blah, blah, blah. On film, Terrero says she's "stiff" and "didn't own it." HA! She's soooooooo going home.
Ambreal got to do a wall slide. Hootchie-mama. Lisa really "got into" her featured part, which was all of 3 seconds.
Then Heather is hunched over in the corner, having not eaten for 12 hours, and it being incredibly hot on the set. Yeah, um, I'm pretty sure it's illegal not to feed your extras for 12 hours, so what the hell is up with that? She barfs, can't walk, can't breathe, and yet the only ones who seemed concerned are the other girls. Nice.
They give her oxygen and a banana. Hey, how about a meatball sub or something, huh? Heather interviews that it warmed her heart to see how concerned the other girls were.
Bianca starts her two cents with, "I hate to be a bitch, but..." She says that the modeling life is too much for Heather, who won't be able to take it and will have a "nervous breakdown." Way to blow it out of proportion, Bianca. That's quite a case of wishful thinking you have there.
[By the way, here's the video on YouTube, and there's not one ANTM chick in it. Here's the one on the ANTM website.]
Tyra Mail! Judging.
Chantal is all, "I'm not nervous. This is what I was born to do. I'll still be here next week." Oh, she is so getting eliminated.
Everyone takes a look at the girls' takes. Lisa's is good acting. Saliesha surprises everyone by looking devilish. Sarah looks wicked but uncomfortable with her body. Heather looks evil and demonic, which is a good thing. Jenah looks too cute. Chantal is holding back. Bianca is sexy but not fluid and does too much kissy stuff.
Deliberations.
Lisa is very strong on film. Ambreal has no magic. Jenah is not in control of her sexiness. Well, neither am I, for that matter. It just spills all over the place -- I can't help it!
Heather is a little off but stepped it up. She's awkward but takes direction well. Saliesha is good. Sarah is "no plus-size," but the camera loves her. Chantal fell flat. Bianca has a bad-ass confidence that was right for the role.
Tyra calls, in the order of her fickle affection: Lisa, Heather, Sal, Bianca, Ambreal (who is surprised not to be in the Bottom Two) and Jenah.
Sarah and Chantal are in the Bottom Two. Sarah is very good, but her place in the industry is confusing, i.e. she's not fat enough or thin enough. Chantal is just coasting, and her shoot was a waste of film.
Chantal gets her pic--WHAT?! Chantal gets to stay?! What the hell??? Sarah is sobbing her eyes out, as is Husband. He loves Sarah. I just can't believe that boring-ass Chantal gets to stay. There is no justice.
Next episode: Heather finally loses it with Bianca. In the shower. Sweet.
Comments
"Heather looks evil and demonic, which is a good thing." ...it's like we're in high school, all over again...
Posted by: heather at November 9, 2007 10:30 AM