December 13, 2007
eHarmony eSchmarmony: Part II
We now return to our regularly scheduled program, which is already in progress.
Remember, people, I am not making this stuff up!
Bachelor #3
The one thing Bachelor #3 is most passionate about:
"I am most passionate about living a life pleasing to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming the best pastor I can be. Following Christ is an adventure and I want to make the most of it while I can!"
The most influential person in Bachelor #3's life has been:
"Other than my parents (who have had a tremendous influence on me through their godly example & commitment to Christ), I would say Jesus, because He is my Savior & Lord. Besides Christ, my childhood pastor, because he boldly communicated the Gospel & stirred in me a desire to become a pastor myself someday. My high school youth leader also had a great influence on me because of his authentic love for Christ & for us youth (great times! :-))."
The most important thing Bachelor #3 is looking for in a person is:
"A genuine, sacrificial love for Christ and people. If someone has this kind of love, everything else tends to fall into place. Related to this would be authenticity/honesty--I think this is key to a healthy relationship."
The one thing Bachelor #3 wishes MORE people would notice about him is:
"It depends on the person. If they get to know me, they'll soon discover my sense of humor. Youth pick up on this more quickly, since their zaniness rubs off on me and gives me an excuse to be silly! ;-p "
The things Bachelor #3 can't live without are:
God & His Word
family & friends
fellowship with other believers
good books
Troy (my Jack Russell terrier) :-)
Some additional information Bachelor #3 wanted you to know is:
"I've never been married, have no children, am a virgin, and am looking for a soulmate who also has never been married and has saved herself for her future husband. Also, ideally, I would like someone who is also ministry-minded! :-) "
** I don't hate Bachelor #3 as much as I just pity him. eHarmony only allows people over 21, so he's not a teenager, and yet, he's still using emoticons. He is doomed to remain a virgin because he's not going to let any woman forget about Jesus' omnipotent presence long enough to feel comfortable getting it on. **
Okay, here's what would happen if I got on eHarmony...
Wenchie
The one thing Wenchie is most passionate about:
Having enough time to myself. It's really, really important that you leave me alone much of the time and not pester me with silly requests, such as dinner, a clean house, or a trip to visit your parents.
The most influential person in Wenchie's life has been:
My second husband. He bought me a car as an engagement present, thereby really raising the bar for the rest of you schmucks. If you don't have a 401k and good credit, look elsewhere.
The most important thing Wenchie is looking for in a person is:
Money. What? I'm not shallow! Sure, candlelight is romantic, but not when you can't pay the electric bill.
The one thing Wenchie wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
The color of my eyes. Or that I have eyes.
The things Wenchie can't live without are:
Carbohydrates, my Sleep Number Bed, Allegra, shoes with arch support, and a good moisturizer.
Some additional information Wenchie wanted you to know is: If you smoke, live with your parents, have more than one cat, or are currently umemployed, don't waste my time.
You know, these questions are so impractical. I realize that they're trying to get to know Your Deepest Inner Self, but seriously, when the hell does that ever come up?
Daily married life -- and I address this point because eHarmony is geared towards holy matrimony -- is much more about the mundane and necessary than the imperative and passionate.
Here are the questions I think people should be forced to answer honestly:
1. What was your most recent house-related disaster, and how did you handle it?
2. Do you collect anything, and if so, how much room does it take up?
3. When was the last time you called anyone in your family, and what did you talk about?
4. How much time do you spend watching t.v. in a day?
5. What kind of mood are you generally in at the end of a work day?
6. How high is your tolerance for sarcasm?
7. Do you want children?
8. Am I allowed to notice that people of the opposite sex exist and may be, in fact, better looking than you?
9. What kind of movies do you like?
10. Are you occassionally willing to lie to family and friends to get me/us out of social obligations?
[P.S. Since I first started to put this post together, my co-worker has come into the office with some very prominant stubble burn on her chin. Me thinks her luck may be a'changin'...]
Comments
Sheesh... gk2gk.com (the geek dating site) at least has questions #7 and 9...
A devout Christian friend of mine (a man approaching 40 who's also still a virgin) tried eHarmony, and found it to be worthwhile of its nickname, eHarm.
Posted by: Mickey at December 14, 2007 01:47 AM
I read your blog once in awhile and have for a couple years, but never comment.
But I HAVE to say, since no one else seems to notice...
The next time an Eharmony commercial comes on, pay attention to the couples that are completely and utterly in love. They all look like brother and sister.
Every. single. couple.
Creepy much?
Posted by: Amber at December 14, 2007 02:19 AM