December 03, 2007
Why I Don't Leave Dirty Laundry On the Floor
The Evil One is eating my home again.
Now that her favorite kitchen walls are fixed and wallpaper-free, Stella has turned her appetite to our $300 rug. Prompting me to ponder the age-old question: What the fuck is wrong with my stupid dog?
Can't she eat anything inexpensive? Almost makes me wish she'd just go back to eating poop. At least poop is free and plentiful. And outside.
Back in her poop-chowing phase, I bought a bottle of Stool Deodorizer Plus, whose promises include the following:
1. Eliminates Foul Stool & Urine Odor
2. Alleviates Occasional Gas
3. Stops Stool Eating
4. Reduces Bad Breath & Body Odor.
Now, my first reaction is, "If this product actually eliminates all smelly functions of the body, why don't they make it for humans???"
Husband, I'm looking at you.
But I don't really care about my dogs' stool and urine odor because they go outside in the yard. And if their occasional gas was alleviated, who would I blame mine on? As for bad breath and body odor, well... they're dogs. Those of us who know what it's like to bask in a pet's unconditional love are willing to put up with a bit of smelliness. It just comes with the territory.
No, it was the Stops Stool Eating that caught my attention. But how do they do it? How do they make poop less appealing?
Prompting me to ponder the other age-old question: What tastes worse than poop?
Vomit? Not for my dogs! The opportunity to re-eat what they've already eaten is a total bonus for them. Vomit: all the taste, no chewing required!
So how does it work???
Frankly, it doesn't. Tried it, Stella still snarfed turds. It was just something she had to grow out of.
She has since moved on to other fragrant snacks, including rugs, window ledges, Husband's socks and Younger Step Daughter's panties.
How do they taste in comparison to poop, I wonder? Uup, I just puked a little in the back of my throat.
Comments
This was a perfect accompaniment to your post. I nearly fell over laughing when I read it.
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at December 3, 2007 03:12 PM
You know I love you, right?
I SO feel your poop pain. I get a message from Ari while I'm still at work today that reads "Hi Mom, how ya doing? Shall I go ahead and feed the poopie doggies now?" (translation: she found poop in the floor when she got home from school that by some MIRACLE hadn't been consumed, or what we call in our home "destruction of evidence".)
Cracked my ass up. Yeah, I guess I'm easy that way.
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at December 6, 2007 12:40 PM
Do you give Stella chew toys? We have a "mouthy" dog also (code for chews anything she can get her wrinkley little face on)and we ALWAYS have something available that she's supposed to chew on. Thus far, she has only destroyed a few errant shoes. This having chewies always available is a pain in the ass and sort of expensive, but my dog's not eating my rug. May I suggest The Kong. Filled with peanutbutter and put into the freezer. Seriously, it works.
Posted by: elle at December 8, 2007 01:41 PM