December 11, 2007
"The Girls Go To the Great Wall"
I missed the Previously stuff because I was over at Spikette's having pizza and just barely made it home on time. Love this icey weather!
Shanghai. Heather mail! Jenah is sad to see Heather go. Bianca says that "she was in her own little world most of the time, so it's not that different with her not here." Except that now Bianca has to find someone else to hate on.
The girls travel to Beijing, where their tour guide is named "Kevin." Somehow, I don't think that's his real name.
Jenah is still stressed out from being in the Bottom Two. Chantal, on the other hand, is quite content because she knows that being America's Next Top Model is her density. I mean destiny. Ah, and Bianca starts with the bitching about Chantal. Took her about 3.47 seconds to find a new victim. Is that a record?
The girls go to some... stage or something. Miss J and Twiggy are carried in by Chinese servants. How green of them to use the backs of lesser people than to use golf carts.
The narrate some... pagaent about "The Four Beauties," who are apparently the four most beautiful women in China, each from a different era. The women are, indeed, much more beautiful, graceful and well-dressed than the models.
Bianca thoughtlessly quips, "Okay, is it over?" Yes, God forbid you experience any of the culture, learn anything or act like a grown-up for one damn minute. The Four Beauties aren't rapping, so -- whoops! There goes Bianca's attention span!
At the end of the program, Miss J says they must wait and see how The Four Beauties relates to them... oooooooooh, I can hardly stand the suspense!
The girls get to their new home, which is way more sophisticated and beautiful than any of them deserve. I'm sure Bianca is like, "Okay, where's the Old Kessler?"
Tyra Mail! Great wall, great mall, shopping, squealing. The dresses that The Four Beauties wore are in boxes waiting for them. They are to go to the mall in the gorgeous gowns and modernize them, making the dresses their own. Which is never a good idea. They get $200 each to spend.
The girls all try on shoes and buy purses. Bianca decides to ditch the other girls in search of a store that will give her some special, secret edge, I guess. The other side of the mall is dismal, so she comes back. On the way, she runs into Jenah and tells her something to the effect of, "You should go across the street. They have some really great stores over there."
Now, Bianca and Jenah have gotten along so far (because Bianca didn't view Jenah as real competition), so Jenah, of course, takes her advice. Bianca calls it "strategy" and "feels better" after sabotaging her friend. Nice.
Hey! Is that Dani(elle) in the mascara commercial with Queen Latifa?
Bianca interviews that there are "no friends in competition." Jenah merely says, "That. Bitch." She totally didn't see that coming because playing dirty "isn't my style."
Seventeen editor Anne Shorket is there at the runway to judge the girls' walks and gown-make-overs. The girls are given a bunch of Cover Girl crap to do their own make-up for the competition.
Sal's walk is superb. Chantal has a very natural, great walk. Bianca hiked up her skirt like a hootchie mama, but Anne thinks that's a cute idea to show off her legs. Jenah, too, turned her gown into a mini, and then she took off her cape on the catwalk, which Anne loves.
The girls are given their critiques. Sal needs to loosen up, which is a lot different than the tongue-bath they were giving her when she couldn't hear them. Jenah is amazing. Bianca's walk is too "hiphop." They love Chantal's yellow shoes.
Jenah wins and picks Chantal to share her prize because she "can't trust" Bianca. The girls get beautiful qi pao gowns tailored to fit them, and Jenah gets a one-on-one runway lesson with Miss J. Apparently, this lesson is supposed to be a big deal because Miss J has never done a one-on-one with any Top Model wannabe before. Whoop-dee-shit.
Tyra Mail! Something about being seen from space. The girls are going to Vegas! Oh. No. They're going to the Great Wall.
Bianca starts bitching about everyone and everything. Jenah is homesick and misses her boyfriend. They both just want to get the whole competition over with.
At the Great Wall, they girls are going to be warriors scaling the wall with six other red-shirt warriors. Tyra is the photographer and a vision in khaki.
In the hair and make-up trailer, Sal gets a huge bun on the side of her head. She compares her look to http://www.warriorprincess.com/galleries/displayimage.php?album=138&pos=5. And can I just say? Xena NEVER wore her hair like that, so Sal is snorting Comet and totally wishes she was Xena. Idiot.
Chantal is totally getting into the whole thing, talking about how she loves the jet-setting life and getting to shoot at different locations. Tyra really likes shooting her, and her yes-man, Jay, agrees.
Jenah feels like she's losing herself. Tyra asks her to pretend there's something she really wants on the other side of the wall. Jenah says she wants to find herself. Uh-oh. Bad answer. She's going home.
Bianca sucks ass and Tyra has to get up and show her how to pose. Her first 40 shots are painful, but the last 20 are better. Dare I get my hopes up?
Jay gives me a shout-out by telling Sal she looks totally crouching-tiger-hidden-dragon. He also says she's the only one who "used her environment and creativity." What does that even mean?
When they're all done shooting, Tyra wants to take a group shot, the challenge being to stand out with several other models in the same photo. Bianca is all pissed cuz Sal has her bun in Bianca's face. Hee! One might argue that she's doing Bianca a favor...
Back at their pad, Bianca starts ragging that Chantal is "bland" and Sal sucks and makes some crack about "blonde girls." RACIST!
Oh my God. Wednesday night, someone is going to have to come over and PHYSICALLY STOP ME from watching "Crowned." It looks even more dysfunctional than ANTM! Mothers and daughters competing as a team! Meow!
Judging!
Jenah's face is amazing, and her legs go on forever, but she seems to get a big lost in her costume. Which is, of course, Tyra's deliberate metaphor for what's going on inside her. Jenah starts crying that she misses her two little sisters, but at the same time, she wants to win this so she can be someone that her sisters can look up to. Awwwwwwwwww.
Bianca's profile is nice, but her posing is really stiff and awkward. She second-guessed herself throughout the shoot.
Chantal is perfect and brought a real positive attitude to the shoot. She is taking her modeling "to the next level."
Sal looks so amazing in her photo that the judges notice her first and hardly even look at the Great Wall in her photo. I guess that makes Sal the Eighth Wonder of the World. Tyra says that she came to the shoot nervous but put that energy into her work.
I see Bianca and Jenah in the Bottom Two, with Jenah going home. You know how Tyra hates a disappearing model!
In the group photo, the judges all pick their favorite and ooze all over them. As an afterthought, they mention that Bianca looks like "the guy." HA!
The girls leave for deliberations, and Tyra says to the panel that she thought she knew what this elimination would bring, but that the photo shoot changed it all.
Jenah seems to have been "dislodged" from the competition, and they think she gave her "swan song" speech. Nooooooooooo!
Bianca is the least modely. True, she came in with no experience and has come a long way. But has she come far enough?
Chantal is "channeling her inner diva"
Sal is the hands-down favorite and seems to "sparkle" in person and in photos.
Chantal is called first. In addition to her own photo, she's also the only one who gets the group photo because she stands out the most.
Sal is called next, leaving Bianca and Jenah in the Bottom Two. Bianca is very urban but is improving. Jenah gave her swan song. Who will go home.
Husband rushes into the room saying that Bianca is going home, but I know Tyra -- she hates it when models break down, so I think it's Jenah.
HA! Jenah gets her photo! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I've never been so happy to be wrong! Husband makes sure I write down that HE was right.
Bianca interviews that she came in with an attitude but the whole experience humbled her. LIE!!!
Next episode: The finale! Two eliminations, and the crowning of America's Next Completely Forgettable Model! And then the premiere of "Crowned"...