January 25, 2008
Filthy, Yet Incredulous
I'm an excellent typist. Seriously, I'm freakin' fast, bay-bee. Which is, I guess, why my boss asked me to take minutes for a day-and-a-half meeting she had this week. Lots of people in from all over the country, brainstorming and consulting and all sorts of boring shit, which they will want to read about over and over in the coming years.
Whatever. It's a paycheck. And a free lunch. And all the free Kudos bars and bottled water I can consume.
They did this SWOT thing where they listed the program's Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. So I wrote them all down. Then they graphed those into Invest, Decide, Defend and Abandon. So I wrote all that down. Plus all the pompus, quasi-intellectual blather that when into it.
By quitting time today, I had 11 pages of shit typed. Oh, and whenever they wanted to see what they had come up with, I had to go print shit off and make copies to distribute.
Right before the closing prayer, Kevin had to pipe up -- with his need to dominate every aspect of every event and every conversation -- and asked if "anyone had written down everything they had been talking about."
In a move that was probably less infused with decorum than the situation would have inspired in a non-Scorpio, I whirled around in my chair and gave him the filthiest -- and yet most incredulous -- look that I could possibly muster, and I said, "Have. We. Met?"
That son-of-a-douche-hole. What the hell does he think I was DOING for a day and a half? Picking my nose and blogging? Was I up there by CHOICE because listening to bureaucrats quibble over semantics is sooooooooo much better than the REAL work that has been piling up on my desk during my jury duty?!
WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?!
Half the room saw the look I gave him, and I'm glad. What a self-important jacktard that guy is. He wants us all to think, "Gee, Kevin, what a great idea! I wish I could have all this information for my very own!"
Well, then it's a good thing that my boss thought of that DAYS ago and asked me to take minutes. To write down all the important things said. On 11 single-spaced pages. To share with whomever wants to see it. SHITHEAD.
How dare he undermine my role there? How dare he call into question, in front of the whole committee, my work there? How dare he infuse them with the suspicion that -- gee, maybe she hasn't been writing everything down like we all assumed she was...?
Fortunately, I think most people in the room had ample opportunity to rub their two brain cells together and wonder, "Um, doesn't he know that Wenchie is here to take minutes? Because she has been openly thanked by the meeting coordinators several times. Was Kevin asleep?"
No, but his social skills are definitely deep in hibernation.
Dicksmack.
Comments
'Jacktard'......you hurl the best insults.....and crack me up.
Posted by: Grundlewash (on youtube) at January 25, 2008 09:51 PM
son of a douche hole! awesome!! I'm so using that one!
Posted by: elle at January 26, 2008 01:54 PM
not to mention dicksmack. Down w/ Kevin the jacktard douche hole dicksmack!
Posted by: vicki at January 28, 2008 09:13 AM