January 13, 2008
Happy 40th, Brad
Billi's husband, Brad, turned 40 three days after Christmas. Which, as we all know, is the suckiest time of year to have a birthday because Jeebus really hogs the spotlight, so Billi had a big party for him on Saturday night.
It was an 80s theme party, so the music was totally bitchen and rad, and I was breathtaking in my Forenza sweater and legwarmers. I even grew a giant zit in my forehead, for that authentic Wenchie-circa-1985 feeling.
Brad was resplendant in pink shirt and tan Members Only jacket. Billi's hair was as big as... well, honestly, it was never as big in the 80s as it was on Saturday night because both Billi and I had short hair for most of the 80s. Try that mental picture on for size. Horrifying, no?
Madonna and the lead singer from Poison were the best costumes there,... but I digest. I'm here to talk about Brad and how incredibly, mind-blowingly wasted he was.
Now, Brad likes to enjoy an ocassional beer or two because he has three children in the single-digit age group. But because he has three small children, he very rarely over-indulges, and certainly never in their presence. Well, the kiddies were at Nana and Papa's house Saturday night. You know where this is going.
Or at least, you THINK you do...
But this post is going down a path much more dark than barfing or headaches or waking up in a bathtub full of your own bodily products. Lo, this post is about -- Drunken Affection.
Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
We may have gifted Brad two classic Michael Jackson albums and a how-to book on taking care of his aging body, but he gave me the greatest gift of all.
When it came time for Husband and I skeedaddle outta there (they were about to start the wife-swapping, and I didn't want any fights to break out over who got me), I went to say good-night to the birthday boy.
Who promptly planted a BIG ol' smackaroo -- on my lips -- and told me HE LOVES ME!
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[huge intake of breath]
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Oh, man, that was awkward. See, Brad's the kind of guy who shows his affection very rarely. If ever. And certainly not to me.
In fact, I'm not entirely sure he ever actually feels affection. I think he might have smiled once, but it also could have been gas.
Yes, I definately intend to rub his face in this for the rest of his life. Or at least until he sits on my head and farts.
Comments
I wonder how much he'll really remember because it was quite the scene!
Posted by: splinter at January 14, 2008 12:57 PM
You left 3 hours before the party even ended! Just imagine what you missed! I'll show you pictures next time I see you. The morning after, Brad and I sat at the kitchen table looking at the pictures and crying, we were laughing so hard.
Posted by: Billi at January 15, 2008 08:38 AM