March 20, 2008
A Couple of Fine Christians
An IM conversation from a boring Lenten Friday:
PW: Check this out -- Bible Fight
Marty: Crap. Panera's firewall is blocking it.
Marty: I'll e-mail it to myself.
PW: it's a Bible Game. it's hilarious!
Marty: I'll try it out when I get out from under the draconian clutches of the Panera firewall.
PW: Panera is The Man
Marty: And the Man is repressing me.
Marty: And feeding me yummy baked goods.
PW: damn him!
Marty: I know!
Marty: Speaking of which, I wonder what I should get for lunch?
PW: mini pizza!
Marty: They don't make those any more.
PW: oh, that was quick
Marty: What?
PW: the pizza. here and gone.
PW: guess it didn't sell well
Marty: Or it was a summer thing
Marty: BUt I did like them
Marty: I went with a roast beef sandwich.
Marty: I'm a good catholic, aren't I?
PW: no, you're a Lutheran
PW: deal with it
PW: it's a much better religion -- we get to eat what we want
Marty: As long as its in a cassarole
PW: well, of course
PW: in FACT, we don't even make you give something up for Lent. that's considered an archaic idea.
Marty: I have nothing to give up for lent.
Marty: Except masturbation.
PW: that's not healthy
Marty: And you can take that from me when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
PW: Nice
PW: AND? In 1993, I believe, Lutherans officially came out in favor of masturbation
Marty: Wow.
PW: I KNOW!
PW: How much do we rock?!
PW: roast beef AND slapping the salami!
Marty: you've really upped your Lutheran skills
PW: I know just enough to be dangerous
Marty: Lutheranism: A Deli of delights.
PW: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
PW: we are the smogesborg of religions!
Marty: LOL
PW: and when we confess? it's SILENTLY in church, not out loud to some child-diddling douchebag
Marty: That was always creepy.
PW: because our leaders are allowed to be a.) sexually active, and b.) women!
Marty: I never confessed the masturbation part.
PW: I'm sure it was assumed
PW: so do I have you sold? are you a Lutheran?
Marty: I feel like I'm being sold a car.
PW: yeah -- a Mercedes!
PW: What will it take for me to put you in this pew?
PW: wanna take it for a test drive? have some roast beef and then go spank it in the Panera bathroom?
Marty: I almost choked on my sandwich here!
Marty: LMAO
Marty: Thank god I wasn't drinking. I would have ruined my laptop.
PW: and the lining of your sinuses
PW: oh, and the Lutheran church welcomes everyone, even gays and addicts, so you're all set!
Marty: Thats great, now I can...HEY!!!
Marty: Who you callin' gay?
PW: I'm just saying
PW: did I touch a nerve?
PW: you're not getting much work done
Marty: Yeah, well..
Marty: Its friday.
Marty: Fuck it.
PW: exactly.
PW: Okay, I totally call dibs on putting this in my blog.
Marty: ok but change my name
Marty: I don't want your mom knowing that I masturbate
PW: I'm pretty sure she assumes, dude.
PW: She's pretty astute.
So the cat's out of the bag now. Wenchie blasphemes, and Marty spanks it. The world is shocked.
Comments
What? Marty is not gay? You could have fooled me.
BTW, wasn't it a fabulous America's Next Top Model last night? Dominique is such a bitch. She must go -- she looks like she's 35!
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at March 20, 2008 05:14 PM
Nope. Sorry, KG. Straight, despite my penchant for musical theater.
I started to do musical theater to give me a chance to hang around with hot chicks. And all I got was Wenchie.
Posted by: Marty at March 27, 2008 09:16 AM