March 04, 2008
Elastic
Since discovering that I can text any other Verizon user unlimitedly for free, I've been bugging the hell out of poor Sue, who kindly indulges my infatuation with this new toy. She even deigns to amuse me by occasionally instigating the texting.
On Valentine's Day, I received this message, quite out of the blue:
the elastic in my valentine underwear is shot. It's been around my knees all day.
WHAT?!?!
Now, I took this to mean one of two things:
1. That she had spent the traditional day of romance getting boned in some unseemly situation that prevented her from completely removing her panties, in which case -- good for her!
2. That she had the runs.
And while I was certainly rooting for option one, option two was hilarious, too. Because The Boy Child and I have roughly the same sense of humor.
When I saw her a few days later, I asked her about it, and she confessed that it was neither.
Imagine my disappointment.
The text message was quite literal. Her Valentine underwear was apparently so old that the elastic had simply ceased to perform its fuction, and her skivvies were around her knees for no other reason.
Bummer.
Well, I guess I know what I'm getting her for her birthday. Although that will mean rummaging through the bin of Extra Small panties at Victoria's Secret. The skinny bitch.
Wait a minute. If she's so slender, how did the elastic get so terribly stretched out? Perhaps... from Valentine's Days past?
I'm just determined to make this dirty somehow!
Comments
one time when I was in college, the elastic on my undies broke WHILE I WAS CROSSING A STREET in down town seattle. I was wearing a skirt, of course. being the classy broad I am, I kicked them up and caught them, and just kept moving.
Posted by: elle at March 5, 2008 10:46 PM
Elle--
If we haven't met yet, we simply must!
My favorite part of the story is that I texted wenchie in front of my boss!
Good thing I have tenure.
Posted by: sue at March 7, 2008 09:41 AM