March 27, 2008
"The Girls Sharpen Their Claws and Deal with Racism"
I'm just making up my own episode titles now.
Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Wenchie failed to get her husband interested in this season. There has been a real lack of hot tub and/or shower scenes.
The girls are in a big stretch cab talking about Aimee's skin. And while her ego is growing ginormous, Lauren's lack of confidence has become a real issue. Probably because she's ugly and makes me want to shove a sharp pencil in my ear every time she opens her damn mouth. Why does she even bother to open her mouth when she's just going to talk out of her nose anyway???
Claire is on the phone talking to her husband... about her milk drying up. And we are treated to a lovely shot of her pumping her breast milk. Oh joy.
Dom's alarm goes off way early and wakes up Claire. Apparently, for the fourth, sixth or seventh time, depending on which part of Claire's tirade you believe. Dom blames it the on the many, complicated settings, but Claire isn't buying it and calls her a "shady bitch." Hee! Also? If Dom can't work an alarm clock, then I believe she's indeed fully qualified to be a top model.
Claire also tells Dom to take responsibility for herself instead of blaming the clock. And she has a point. Dom is not exactly Miss Personal Responsibility Taker.
Aimee says that, at 18, she thinks she's more mature than some of the older girls. I may have to agree with her.
Dom and Claire argue during breakfast. Seeing a speck of blood on Dom, Lauren starts pecking away, too. And then Dom tells her to "stay in your place." You can imagine how well this sits with Miss Punk Rock Anarchy. Not well at all, I'm afraid, and the screaming escalates.
Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Whit tell Dom to "get in the trash where you belong." Wheeeeeeeeee! This is definitely better than a grade school playground scuffle!
Cut to Dom interviewing that it was like Christmas for the girls, ganging up on her like that. I know it was for me! And then she pulls the same old shit that all the divas pull -- "It's because I'm so strong and they're threatened by me, so they're trying to bring me down." Whatev.
"You're CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" continues Lauren. "Everything you say is just verbal diarrhea!"
Oh, and Husband is now caught up in this season. Yay! It was the fighting. And Whitney. Which bodes well for me, considering she's the plus-size model. A size 10 -- the horror!
Dom cries on the phone to her Mom, who tells her that she's "on a journey" and to "keep your eyes on the goal." The goal of becoming this season's Bitch Who Everyone Hates.
Tyra Mail! Something about being sick and getting better. Oh, please, God, let their next shoot be as naughty nurses!
When the girls arrive at their destination in their maxi-cab, Tyra reveals herself to be the driver. Okay, that's kinda funny, Tyra Banks driving these sorry-ass losers around town.
The girls go up to the dance studio and get dressed to practice walking and posing with Tyra. While walking fiercely, Tyra feigns a twisted ankle in a BRILLIANTLY ACTED segue to "posing with pain." Oh, that Tyra, she's so clever!
Anya is fierce, Whit does really well, but Aimee doesn't commit, and Lauren looks like "an addict." HA!
Tyra tells the girls, when they get stuck during a shoot, to think about pain and listen to the music in their head. Eek.
Tyra Mail! The posing was actually a challenge, and Anya won. She gets a one-on-one photo shoot with Nigel to plump up her portfolio. Huh. I guess Nigel drew the short straw this season.
At the shoot, Nigel explains that he wants this shoot to be timeless and never look out-of-date in her portfolio, so she's going to be naked. Oh, those pesky clothes, always getting in the way! Husband is bummed out that it's not Whitney.
Nigel says that Anya "doesn't know how good she is." Anya feels very comfortable being naked. Aimee, on the other hand, interviews that being naked is wrong. Great career choice, Aimee! Really thought that one through, did ya?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Dom is sick on bed with a migraine because God smote her for being offensive in His sight. Claire, Lauren and Whitney sit on a couch in that same room and recount the fight at breakfast like she's not there. It's brilliant.
Dom interviews, "Look at the monkeys dance." RACIST!!!
The three girls are totally bonding over their hatred of Dom, but Claire is clearly the ringleader. She's gleefully enjoying Dom's annoyance, and the other girls are looking to her to see how far to take it.
Tyra Mail! Something is a good gig, if you can get it. Modeling, I guess.
Jay! Have you guys heard about Jay and Tyra's feud? (Linky goodness supplied by Lolly!) First, Tyra runs off Janice, and now she's working on Jay! God only knows what she did to Twiggy! Has anyone even seen her lately?
Jay tells the girls that they are in Williamsburg, which is supposedly usurping Manhattan as the center of music. If he says so! Each girl is going to embody a different style of music. Oh, Dom has to be jazz because that's the music of assholes.
Fatima is Metal and loving it. Because Motley Crue don't shave their armpits either! Jay says she "looks the part, but then she start posing."
Kat is Emo. Ha! Emo is so gay. Except that Kat looks awesome.
Lauren is Pop and comes out in Brit-Brit-esque red pleather, down to the spike-heeled hooker boots. She almost falls over trying to walk in them, and Jay goes, "Be careful, Tippy Tumbles!" I giggled for ten minutes. Lauren wah-wah-wahs that she has spent her whole life avoiding pop music. Hmm. Perhaps she should set some higher goals for herself? I'm just sayin'.
Claire is Country, complete with pink flouncy skirt. Cute! After many awkward poses, Jay tells her to "find a balance between couture and country," but she doesn't. Speaking of country, at church on Easter, one mother put her poor little girl in PINK, METALLIC COWBOY BOOTS with her darling Easter dress. I thought Jesus was gonna come outta the tomb hurling lightening bolts! Or whatever magical powers he has.
Dom is Folk and randomly interviews that "they all wanna be like me." I'm not sure what it has to do with the shoot, so I think the editors wanted to make sure we don't forget that we hate her. She does some hippie poses and looks like she's old enough to have been around then.
Anya is Punk. Jay complains that she "let the outfit and make-up do the work." I wonder if I can get my clothes to do my work? That would be handy!
Stacy is House. She's all posey, earning Jay's ire.
Aimee is R&B. She loves her outfit and is thinking "diva," but Jay complains that she has no experience or passion. Dude, she's 18.
Whit is Grunge. They put her on a diving board over an empty pool, and she complains that she's afraid of heights. Ten feet is heights? She does really great, and Jay calls her "genius." In your face, skinny bitches!
Tyra Mail! Judging.
Claire is worried that her shoot didn't go well. Lauren is worried that her confidence sucks. At Panel, everyone looks at the photos.
Whit is very "believable" as Grunge. She took some risks, and the photo they like is a "risk that worked."
They love Fatima's legs as Metal. You know how Miss J loves the broke-down doll look, and she is "workin' it."
Anya said that working with Nigel was fun, and kudos to her for not saying anything stupid and offending him because you know how prissy he is. Her photos are... something about "finding the light." But don't walk towards it, you crazy albino!
Lauren is "extremely beautiful" as Pop but needs to be more awake. Maybe they don't know that she always talks like that.
Aimee struggled with R&B. Suck, suck, suck.
Stacy's House poses were too obvious.
Miss J asks regarding Kat's Emo, "Is that white music?" Oh, c'mon, Miss J, you know what emo music is. You just wanted to make us crackers look stupid. Tyra thinks Kat's photo is the best of them all, and she also loves Kat in the short wig. I think Kat is getting a haircut!
Claire is "too tough" being Country. It was her worst shoot to date.
Dom is believable as Folk and looks "soft." But then they say funny things about her head, torso and legs "not communicating" or something. Modeling is so weird.
Commercials, and Claire is Cover Girl of the week -- AGAIN!!!
Deliberations!
Whitney is "coming out." Wait. Did I miss something?
Fatima is disappointing. Lauren is awkward. Aimee looks like "bad Vegas garbage." HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Kat is interesting and needs a haircut. Claire totally missed the mark. Dom improved, but she's "still not there." Stacy looks like "a Jamaican DJ." Will the racism never end???
Tyra calls: Whitney, Kat, Fatima, Lauren, Anya, Dom and Stacy. Leaving Claire and Aimee in the bottom two. Dear God, not Claire!!!
The Panel is shocked at how badly both girls sucked this week. But Claire sucked less! YAY!!! But the warn her that modeling isn't just about being fierce.
Aimee cries a lot.
Next week: Go-sees, Whitney takes a beating, and Lauren's temper gets out of control.
Comments
Last night was a totally awesome trash fest. I want Dom to stick around another few weeks so it hurts so much more when she is axed.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at March 27, 2008 08:32 PM
I was with you on loving claire up to this past episode...the crack about "at least i have a husband" was just a bit too annoying.
Posted by: lolly at March 28, 2008 02:24 PM
10 feet is a 1 story building, Ms. John Hancock. I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Sue at March 29, 2008 09:42 PM