April 07, 2008
Baby Bingo
They made me play... "Baby Bingo."
That's where someone reads clues about baby-related items (i.e. stroller, onesies, bottle), and if you have the answer in one of your squares, you X it off. I've also played the version where, as the mom-to-be opens her gifts, you X off what she unwraps if you have it on your page. So many ways to play!
By the way, my page had "nipples" in one of the squares. Swear to God. I must've missed three clues because I kept staring at the word thinking, "Tee hee! Nipples! Am I the only one who thinks this is funny? Oh, shit. Now I'm thinking about mom-2-B's nipples. I need more Sangria."
But to be honest, if "Baby Bingo" was the worst thing I had to contend with -- and it was -- then it wasn't such a bad shower. No one talked about episiotomies, at least, not at our table. And there were quesadillas!
There were gifts a'plenty. Seriously, a long table PILED with gifts. And many more huge ones on the floor. I sat there looking at the vast landscape of pastel blue wrapping paper and realized that, unless we wanted to be there until the baby's christening, someone was going to have to help move things along.
And that someone was me.
After mom-2-B opened each gift, I took it from her, put it back in the bag/box and onto another table. What? What people want to see is the unwrapping -- no one wants to watch her refold the adorable outfit, cram it back into the box, struggle up out of her chair and put the box on the table. No one. I was performing a public service. I even cleaned up the wrapping paper! I'm a goddamn hero, people!
There were many gorgeous handmade gifts, which are always my favorite because I can't even fathom the work that goes into that. Writing a good blog can sometimes take over an hour, but sewing a quilt? Knitting a jacket? These things are waaaaaaaay off my gratification meter.
One time, I bought a little cross-stitch kit. I was going to make cute, little Santa ornaments for my family. Each Santa was about 3" x 2". I got halfway through the first Santa and lost my mind. So I put it away for several years, kidding myself that I'd go back to it, but I never did. So I threw it out. There were five different colors of white in Santa's beard! FIVE!!!
The mom-2-B's mom made a quilt, a boppy cover, a cradle, an armoire, and a three-foot tall wedding-type cake made entirely of diapers and baby toys. It blew my mind. I didn't even know they were Amish!
So you'll have to forgive me. I know you were looking forward to a scathing post about an excruciating baby shower, but the material just isn't there. Of course, don't assume for a minute that I won't dread and moan and rend my garments at the prospect of any future baby showers. I stand by my curmudgeoniness!
Comments
they're not amish...and she has a $5000 sewing machine that has a computer program that does all the work
Posted by: Brandon Klinetobe at April 14, 2008 11:16 PM