April 03, 2008
The Kovalic Wench
You may have noticed -- if you are a regular and observant reader -- that my left-most icon has changed from Vampire Slayer to Pirate Wench. What hasn't changed is that it's still by the same artist: the tall, talented and handsome John Kovalic.
[If you're still seeing the Slayer, you need to delete the saved temporary internet files. I did Tools, Internet Options, Temporary Internet Files, Delete Files.]
I got an email yesterday. "Send me your picture, A.S.A.P.!" Well, now. I must admit, I do love a clamouring fan. Especially when it's a clamouring fan that I'm a fan of myself. Such an intriguing command! Turns out John wants to immortalize me -- AGAIN -- as a ginormous favor to me... (as payback for what, I can't say). I guess one could say that I am his... muse.
(God, I couldn't be eating this up any more if I had a fork, a knife, and a jar of Miracle Whip!)
Since I am actually less of a narcissist on film than I am in print, I could only find one picture to send to him. It's the one where I was a cat at work for Halloween (only he gets to see the whole picture because he knows me).
And I wrote: "Attached is a photo of me. If you need more, I'm sure I can scrounge them up, given a bit more time. Just remember -- big boobs, broad shoulders, long legs. Oh, and I mostly wear contacts now. And I have 3 tattoos. And I'm sure this is neither appropriate nor necessary, but I would ride you like a wild donkey if you drew me as a pirate and sent me a copy."
He wrote back: "WOW, that is some Barbie collection behind you! Anyway, I'll send something along as soon as it's drawn!"
You see how he does that? Cleverly ignores my offer of sweet burro sex? He just likes to tease me.
Later that day, I received something close to the drawing you see above, but with, like, platinum hair.
I wrote, "No way did you whip that out in half a day! Are you really that good?! Um, my hair isn't really that blonde. It's more... auburn, since I stopped coloring it. But I guess you're the artist and free to practice artistic license. The hogans are incredibly accurate! It's like looking in a mirror!"
I felt I had to end on a positive note, after whining about the hair color. ... And since I wasn't done with my critique. What? You know how obsessive I am!
He wrote back with a version of the picture containing the hair color you see here and said, "No that I'm obsessing about this, BUT... I think this is closer."
Oh, wouldn't that just be terrible to have some gorgeous man obsessing over my hair? Some gorgeous straight man? Alas, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, how they do plague me!
I wrote back, "MUCH better! But why am I wearing bicycling shorts? Am I, like, Arobics Instructor by day, Pirate Wench by night?"
Seriously, I HATE the formal-shorts-with-tall-boots look. If I ever needed more proof that John is straight -- and I don't -- it's that he thought it was okay to have me wearing shorts with boots. Any gay man would know better.
He replied: "EGAD! And there I was, tryin' to work in some more skin..."
Men! So single-minded. But it led to the IMAGE OF PERFECTION that is the final version of Kovalic's Pirate Wench.
You know how it's always "DaVinci's Mona Lisa" or "Michaelangelo's David"? I think this masterpiece will inevitably go down in history as "Kovalic's Pirate Wench." And that's just fine by me!
I wrote to him, "PERFECTION! God, my tits defy gravity!"
To which he replied, "Yes, but what about the cartoon?"
See? This is why I love him. Most people know John as a wonderfully gifted artist, writer and humorist, but I just know him as one of my favorite groupies.
Comments
SuperJ, those are her abs of steel!
All shall look upon [her] and despair!
Posted by: CelticElff at April 3, 2008 09:18 PM
Or find it difficult to stand up in a crowded room, anyway.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at April 4, 2008 09:20 AM
I love it!! It looks fantastic!!
Posted by: Vicki at April 4, 2008 10:05 AM