May 21, 2008
Great Name for a Horror Movie
I have recently started seeing a dermatologist. No, not dating seeing. Seeing on a professional basis. And no, he's not hot.
Jesus, why do I have to qualify everything with you people?! It's like you don't trust me!
See, I have rosacea, as do many Scandihoovian types of my age. Those of you who know me may be wondering what the hell I'm talking about, as my skin looks damn fabulously perfect.
I'm going to tell you a little secret. It helps to have an Older Step Daughter who works at Sephora. I wear high-quality make-up. Lots of it, expertly applied. I won't leave the house without the full-on masque.
But as fun as it is being a Product Whore, I really wish I could go back to The Days of Yore, when I would just throw on some mascara and lip gloss and look radiant. My skin was like a frosting of marzipan.
I finally got tired enough of the extra 10 minutes in my morning routine to ask my G.P. for a recommendation. His own kids have found relief at this place, so I'd say that speaks well for Clear Complexions.
My first appointment went really well. The doctor talked to me for half an hour about symptoms and flare-ups and every little thing under -- and including -- the sun that could possibly have an effect on my skin. Who the hell gets that kind of attention from a doctor anymore?! I don't even get that much foreplay from my gyne! And the dermatologist let me keep my clothes on!
So he put me on a regemin of different anti-inflamatories, which, in theory, will all work together to make my skin regain its former amazingness. And he told me to make an appointment with his receptionist for a facial.
A FACIAL?!?!
"It's a medical facial, so your insurance will cover it."
A FACIAL COVERED BY MY INSURANCE?!?!
Holy cucumber slices! It's like some great spa-related insurance scam handed down by God Himself! Next He's going to make it rain twenties, and a burning bush will tell me to go buy myself something pretty!
My heart sang as I made the appointment. I counted the days until my face would be primped and pampered, massaged and moistened.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
My dear little muffins, I have but one word to describe my medical facial.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I want my mommyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Oh, sure, they fool you with the steam machine, and the glycolic acid treatment. And then they sugar-coat the next step with the word "extraction."
People. Extraction is squeezing the blackheads and whiteheads from your skin! Nevermind how disgusting it is -- it fucking HURTS!!!
When Husband asked how the facial was, I said, "You know how I sneak up on you and squeeze a zit on your back, and you scream like a girl?"
"Y--no."
"It's like that."
"Ow."
"Times a hundred. All over your face."
"Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach!!!"
"That's the scream."
My skin is as smooth today as the day I emerged, flailing and sticky, from my mother's womb. But it's not. Worth. The pain. Of...
The Extractions
Comments
I love extractions! It is so worth it. I always tell my facialist to not hold back. I want to feel each blackhead leave my face. If this is your first time with extractions and you've had facials before, you have been totally ripped off by your past faceuse.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at May 21, 2008 09:58 PM
You poor thing!! How awful! I had that done once at some high end b.s. "spa". Never ever ever again!
Posted by: Vicki at May 22, 2008 03:55 PM
I experienced extractions once as well and I liked how good my face looked. A friend told me that's how all facials should be done and he says the more they squeeze out and the harder they do it, the better you look!
Posted by: Hope at May 22, 2008 04:59 PM
Been there, done that--NEVER AGAIN!!! Extractions suck! I was crying, the facial woman was apologizing like crazy (but not stopping!), and now I have acne scars... Never, never again will I allow the hands of another to "beautify" me!!
Posted by: Numerica at May 23, 2008 09:35 AM
I too suffer from rosacea. I would love to hear your make-up recommendations.
I get tired of people saying things like, "Wow, you really got a lot of sun!"
No jerk, I'm not sunburned. I have a skin condition...
Posted by: Rachelle at May 23, 2008 01:31 PM