May 30, 2008
My Run-In With the Law
When one is delivering fourteen lunches all over town, one tends to... bend the laws of traffic. U-turns are a staple. As is turning without signaling. "Oh, shit, that's the street!"
Parking, too, brings out my creative side. Take yesterday, for example. I normally just park on whatever side of the street that the house I'm delivering to is on, regardless of whether or not I'm facing the proper direction.
But that option was unavailable at Millie Peterson's house in Oak Park. There was NO parking, and the street was very narrow, so I didn't want to double-park. Mind you, I wasn't concerned about my fellow drivers and the flow of traffic; I just didn't want to get side-swiped.
So I parked on the incorrect side of the street, in front of a driveway. And as I got out of the car and went to open the door to the back seat to retrieve a hot lunch, a cop car slowed and pulled partway into a driveway across the street.
Shit, I thought. He's gonna wanna give me a ticket for parking here. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. Maybe if I look like I think what I'm doing is okay, I'll be able to fool HIM into thinking it is, too. Uh oh. He's coming over. Dammit! He can't ticket me! I'm delivering lunches to white-haired old ladies! I'm practically a saint! He's interferring with the work of God! Shit, shit, shit.
I turned around, lunch in hand, and the cop approached me. He had on the RayBans and bullet-proof vest. Add to that the Ron-Jeremy-porno-moustache, and he was the epitomy of a Chicago cop. I was dead.
He gave me the two-fingered flick that is the international sign for C'mere, pal. I prayed that my saintly mission -- and low-cut t-shirt -- would be enough to dissuade him from his evil mission.
"Millie Peterson?" he said, pointing to the metal dish I was carrying.
I nodded.
"That's my Mom! I'll take it in to her. Thanks!"
I handed over the meal, and Officer Peterson walked away, without a glance at my felonious parking job. I assume. I don't really know -- his sunglasses were really dark.
Needless to say, I jumped back into my car and skeedaddled outta there! Jumping Jack Jeebus, that two-fingered flick is scary! So seemingly innocuous, yet sooooooo ominous.
But don't be thinking that Wenchie has learned her lesson. No, the encounter has only served to make me more bold! I AM INVINCABLE!!! Mwah ha haaaaaaaaaa!
Comments
Sistah:
This is just karma in action for doing something good.
-L.
Posted by: Lori at May 30, 2008 12:18 PM
What was the Chicago cop doing in Oak Park?
Posted by: Shannon Erin at May 30, 2008 03:35 PM
Am I the only person offended by the stereotyping of Chicago's finest?
Posted by: sue at May 30, 2008 07:27 PM
Fucking PoPo.
Posted by: Kelly Garrett at May 30, 2008 11:30 PM
Wow! Just wow. I couldn't ever make up that good of a story let alone live to tell it!
Posted by: Adorable Girlfriend at June 5, 2008 11:49 AM