August 29, 2008
Dad's Pole
I haven't blogged about my Dad much, except in passing. Mainly because he rarely says anything funny. Well, it's funny to him, but... you know. He's Norwegian, plus he's been gradually going deaf for the past twenty years, so he doesn't say much at all, giving me very little material to work with.
I'm having a garage sale next weekend, and I have TONS of clothes to sell. Actually, they're Jerry's mom's clothes, but I have to find some way to display them. I figured -- two ladders, a pole. Simple.
Now where to find a pole? A standard broom just won't be long enough. I need, like, a ten foot pole. My Dad has every other unlikely item in the world stored in that house, much to my Mom's chagrin, so I emailed him.
(I'm sure it seems impersonal to email one's father, but really, why call a person who can't hear? It's like a Helen Keller joke. Like the talking Grandpa Simpson card that Billi got Dad for his birthday. There's Dad, holding it up to his ear, straining to make out what Grandpa is saying. So ironic. So hilarious on so many levels. That Billi is one sick puppy.)
Dad, Do you have a long pole, such as one might put between two ladders to hang clothes on? Wenchie
I got an email back.
Wenchie, Yes. It's a sixteen foot pole. Daddy
WHAT?! A sixteen foot pole? Who the hell has a pole that long just lying around?! And more than that -- where the hell is he storing the thing?! He's never had a garage sale, so what does he use it for???
So many questions. That will forever go unanswered. Because he can't hear them.
COOL! I'll come get it Saturday a.m.
Wait a minute. How am I going to transport a sixteen foot pole? My entire car isn't sixteen feet long. Thank God they only live six blocks away. I'll be driving with my flashers on, I'm sure.
And this pole is, by far, the most normal weird item my Dad has. When they moved, we had to do several carloads under cover of darkness because we moved:
1. an entire suit of armor
2. a rifle rack and rifles
3. a collection of various spears
4. same, of swords
5. a giant ax, such as one would use at a beheadding.
6. two cannons
Why two cannons, you ask? BECAUSE CLEARLY ONE ISN'T ENOUGH!!! DUH!!!
He didn't want the new neighbors thinking they were weird. Newflash, Dad. No one thinks that Mom is weird...
Comments
GOD BLESS YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Mommie Dearest at August 29, 2008 12:03 PM
Is your dad by chance a LARPer or an historical reinactor? Or his he just into weaponry?
-L.
Posted by: Lori at August 29, 2008 12:14 PM
ok, I love that a ten foot pole wasn't long enough for dad. Yes, if there was something he would like to stay away from, he's got himself a 16 foot pole, people.
Posted by: heather at August 29, 2008 02:53 PM
I now know who's house to hole up in during the zombie apocalypse.
Posted by: Shannon Erin at September 4, 2008 02:48 PM