August 14, 2008
The Cow and the Crown
I have a friend named Hercules who lives in Greenville, IL. I believe it was originally named Hicksville, IL, but they changed it last week.
He emailed me a few days ago and included this observation, which I love (any typos are his own):
I don't get the whole Americas Top Model thing, so I always enjoy your work between seasons. Along those lines, last week was the county fair. The 17-year old that won the beauty pagent sold her prize winning 4-H steer 45 minutes before the queen contest. It was over 90 degrees in high humidity, I was pretty impressed that she could show an 1,100 pound bovine and then go off and win a queen contest. Only in rural America do we judge our livestock and women for entertainment.
Oh. My. God. Miss 4-H is my new hero.
Okay, first, her cow won a prize. Now, I have no idea what criteria they use to judge cows. I only have one: tastiness. So not only did she do all sorts of farming-type things involved in raising a barnyard animal, but she refrained from eating it. And that, in itself, is amazing.
So then, she sold her prize-winning cow. And I'm assuming it was an auction because what the hell else do you do for fun in Greenville, IL? Do you think she showed the cow like the chicks at the Auto Show show cars? I'm picturing some broad in a backless evening gown lying over the back of the cow in a provocative manner.
Damn, now I'm hungry and horny.
And then?
Bitch got off the cow to go put on a tiara and a sash! Day-um! She's like Wonder Woman! I'll bet the girls she beat didn't even smell like cow! Whoooo-wee, she's a humdinger! I mean, how hott do you have to be to win a beauty contest with manure on your shoes?
God, I love her. It'd almost be worth going to Greenville to meet her.
Ooh, I wonder if she got her likeness carved in butter?
Post-Posting Addition
Okay, after Hercules read my blog, he sent me this:
You actually pretty much hit the nail on the head. I have heard about 4-H auctions for years, but only attended the one last week, because I was filling in for the farm reporter on the local radio station.
"FILLING IN FOR THE FARM REPORTER!"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Comments
Nearly peed my pants reading this.
Posted by: Vicki at August 14, 2008 09:41 PM
I automatically think Nes Nesbit from WKRP - he was the farm reporter.
Posted by: Hope at August 15, 2008 08:37 AM
Couldn't......(gasp).......get......past......(gasp).........TASTINESS..........(dissolves into chortles).......ha ha ha ha.........snort! Oh, how embarrasing.
Posted by: sue at August 15, 2008 03:51 PM