November 13, 2008
Oh, Miss?
Is there anyone worse than a waitress trainee?
Well, there probably is. Like people who commit genocide or drive under the speed limit. But when you're hungry, a waitress with her head up her butt quickly moves up the list to near-Hitler status.
I knew she was new when I saw her "uniform." The uniform for wait staff at this particular establishment is a white, button-down shirt and black dress pants.
Our waitress was wearing a white t-shirt over a Beatles t-shirt, and black velour track pants. So, basically, she wore to work what my step daughter wears to sleep in. I can't even find it in my heart to forgive a fellow Beatles fan -- she was that skanky.
I can only assume that it was her first day at work, and she'd hadn't time to buy the appropriate clothes. That's the only reason I could excuse her employer for letting her dress that way. I mean, if I want to eat in that kind of atmousphere, I'll stay home, throw on some sweats and eat cereal, standing up, over the sink.
First, it took her forever to come to our table. She got our drink order right, but the owner had to serve the saganaki that Sue and I had ordered. Granted, it involves fire, but when I waited tables, I could to three at a time, balanced on one arm. Half a glass of brandy, one swipe of the lighter, and half a lemon. Viola!
Halfway through devouring melty, melty cheese, Sue and I placed our orders. I got a hot dog. Seriously, they have those all-beef, Kosher hot dogs. God bless the Jews. Sue ordered "a grilled chicken salad sandwich."
Sue said that she enjoys chicken salad when she's out because it's one of the few things that she's too lazy to make for herself at home. So she was excited to see a cheese-topped chicken salad melt on the menu.
Half a life-time later, the waitress brought out my dog and... a salad with some diced chicken on top.
Uh...
Trixie?
This isn't what Sue ordered.
Apparently, she hadn't heard the SANDWICH part of the order.
Sue: I guess I should've known something was wrong when she didn't ask me if I wanted fries or cole slaw, but she remembered to ask you.
PW: And yet, she didn't ask you what kind of dressing you wanted -- which would have tipped you off -- so I don't think her moments of clarity are at all consistent.
Sue: Yeah.
PW: Have some of my fries while you wait.
So I was unspeakably rude and started eating my hot dog in front of Sue because I didn't want it to get cold. Ten minutes later, Trixie came back and set down on front of Sue... a grilled chicken breast sandwich.
Not a grilled chicken salad sandwich. A grilled chicken breast sandwich. So she got the sandwich part, but forgot the salad part.
Our eyes met across the table, but Sue graciously waited for Trixie to leave before speaking.
Sue: This isn't what I ordered, either.
PW: I know.
Sue: Did I order wrong?
PW: I heard you say grilled chicken salad sammich. I certainly would have remembered you saying breast.
Sue: Maybe I should have said melted. Was I supposed to say melted? I'm pretty sure I was clear.
PW: I knew what you were talking about. I'm guessing that she's not familiar with the menu.
Sue: Well, I'm going to eat it because I'm starving.
PW: Awwww, we'll give her a shitty tip, honey.
And we did.
Comments
Bet I know where you ate. And you didn't get the chicken soup and a milkshake?
Posted by: Marty at November 14, 2008 10:06 AM