February 09, 2009
Smoque: The Fellowship of the Meat
On Thursday, I finally completed the first leg of my Quest for Chicago's Best Meats. (I can't wait to finish so I can make all kinds of cheap third leg jokes!) I figure, since John was so drunk when he gave me the deadline, I'm going to assume it was more of a guideline.
My quest's fellowship was comprised of only two people, and Marty is neither hott nor handy with a broadsword. But he did drive so that I wouldn't have to navigate The City. I guess that makes him more useful than a hobbit, so he's got that going for him.
Smoque is so tiny, we drove past it the first time. And then we drove past it seven more times looking for parking. There are about six spaces on the street -- all occupied -- and then every other possibly space in a five mile radius is marked "No Parking For Smoque." The hell?
I think Marty ended up parking on top of the building. I wouldn't know -- he dropped me off, and I walked half a block. And how hott am I that I actually got honked at in that brief half-block period?!
I was so startled I almost slipped and fell on the ice. (Visions of Dr. Hottie's son's college fund flashed before my eyes!) I looked around to see if there were any other cars or pedestrians that the service truck could have been honking at, but there weren't.
Awwwww, yeeeaaah, bay-bee! I still got it! Actually, since most of my ample bod was bundled in a winter coat, I think it was the hair that caught the pervert's attention. I was wearing it down -- an uncommon treat for the world -- and it was very sunny out. I'm sure it looked downright ethereal.
Anyhoo, inside Smoque, it's a bunch of little tables pushed together to form rows, like the cafeteria at work. So you could very well end up eating lunch with strangers invading your personal space.
The cashier was very friendly, and I made damn sure that I had my order down pat before approaching her. I didn't want to be an obvious newbie, as most of the other customers looked like regulars. Don't ask me what regulars look like because I don't know; I think they just gave off that regular aura. Mostly blue-collars eating alone or in pairs. Let's just say that my Hello Kitty track jacket kinda stood out, okay?
I got the chopped brisket sammich with cole slaw and mac 'n' cheese.
Holy Mother of God.
I'll start with the cole slaw. It was the kind I like -- vinegar based, not mayo. And it was actually crunchy, clearly not from a tub, and clearly made very recently. Now, why do I mention the cole slaw in a review about meat, you ask? Because attention to detail is the difference between a good restaurant and an exceptional retaurant. If a place takes the time to make a really good cole slaw, imagine how good everything else must be!
The mac 'n' cheeses are each baked in their own individual tins, with crunchy topping! So charming! Individual tins! I was completely won over by the sides, and I hadn't even taken a bite of my sammich, yet.
Now, I ordered the chopped brisket instead of the sliced brisket because I am inherently lazy, and chopped brisket meant that I had very little chewing to do. In fact, between the tenderness of the brisket and the smallness of the pieces, I barely has to masticate at all. I felt like a baby bird being fed by its mother!
... Okay, gross analogy. But you get my meaning -- TENDER. And YUMMY. I really can't stress those enough.
Oh! And? They just give you an extra side of sauce! You don't even have to ask for it! Can you imagine if the whole world was Smoque?! Free extra icing from Cinnabon! Bottles of ketchup at McDonald's instead of those chinzy, little packets! I'm telling you, Smoque is what makes America great.
In summary, Smoque is well worth driving on the expressway and having to park half a mile away. It's an extraordinary place to eat, and my only complaint is -- why no John Kovalic art on the walls?
Comments
Jealous!!!!!!
Posted by: heather at February 9, 2009 10:11 AM
Hmph. How do you know I'm not handy with a broadsword? Have you ever asked me to attack someone with a broadsword for you? Huh? Have you? I have totally awesome broadsword skills!
And anyway, the hobbits didn't use broadswords, they used short swords. So there.
(And nolo contendre on the "not hott" comment...)
Posted by: Marty at February 9, 2009 11:00 AM