February 01, 2009
What Is Your Name? What Is Your Quest?
Man, I haven't been drunk-dialed in years! That was hilarious! Well, it was more like drunk-texting. I'm the one who had to do the actual dialing.
John Kovalic and I were having a deep and meaningful Twitter about Neil Diamond vs. The Monkees, when he suddenly lost the ability to type words and demanded that I call him. What followed was eighteen minutes of him gushing about how in love he is with his new baby daughter (and rightfully so), and five minutes of him demanding that I patronize the following Chicago establishments:
Hot Doug's calls itself The Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium. Well. That kind of sums it up, doesn't it? There is also Hot Doug's theme song, in three different remixes, if you follow the link on their site. Weird. I think I will skip the sausage music and go right for the Marty Allen, an obvious choice because of the GARLIC.
And who the fuck is Marty Allen, you ask? Yeah, I was wondering the same thing, so I looked him up on Wikipedia. He is a Jewish-American (I'm assuming) stand-up comedian, born in 1922. No wonder I've never heard of him.
Smoque BBQ is next on John's list of must-eats. Their motto is Low and Slow, which kinda makes my hoo-ha all tingley, but I'm not even sure if I'm thinking about sex or food... My desires are all tangled up with one another!
Paulina Meat Market reminds me of a joke I heard years ago and still remember: Name three Chicago streets that rhyme with vagina -- Regina, Paulina and Lunt. Get it?! Joe lives just off Paulina, so I think of vaginas every time I go see Joe. Which is ironic because he's gay.
And gay men like meat, so let's get back on topic, shall we?
John is a known foodie, and he has demanded that I make it my quest to visit all of these meat-themed eateries. I'm not sure how we made the conversational transition from adorable baby to meat. Nor am I sure what this says about me and John's friendship.
Okay, let's not think about that. I have a QUEST, and I have to stay focused. In fact, I am already in deep trouble because I was supposed to have been to all these places by now! Yes, he gave me a deadline. He can be quite bossy, when food is involved. Y'all think he's all sweet and humble and adorable, but I know the truth.
Anyway, my point -- now that I've babbled for half a dozen paragraphs -- is that John lives in Madison, and I can't visit these places alone. If I'm going to indulge in phallic food, I must be accompanied by an adult.
So who's coming with me? I will drive! I will even pick you up! But it has to be soon! Let me know, and we'll make plans! I'm actually off work all week, so now would be perfect.
And then I'm morally obligated to blog about my encased-meat consuming experiences here.
Because John said so. And he's much taller than me.
Reviews:
Smoque
Hot Doug's - coming whenever I get over to Heather's.
Paulina Meat Market - coming... I don't know, I should run there during my lunch hour sometime and pick up dinner.
Comments
Who are you kidding? Those places are all in the city. You NEVER drive into the city.
(And Smoque isn't far from where I live...
Posted by: Marty at February 1, 2009 05:52 PM
Oh, the irony.
(I occasionally moonlight for Mr. K as his personal Grammar Nazi, so it may or may not amuse you to have me suggest that you mean *phallic*, not fallic.)
Sorry! ;)
P.S. He doesn't look that tall in photos, and the one time I got his autograph in London, he was sitting down... how tall *is* he...?
Posted by: C Elff at February 1, 2009 05:55 PM
It's Melvina, not Regina.
Posted by: ASSMAN at February 2, 2009 02:27 AM
ASSMAN correcting my vagina joke. Love it.
And reading me at 2:30 in the morning. HOTT!
Posted by: Wenchie at February 2, 2009 06:17 AM
husband and I walk to Hot Doug's all the time - and the other two places are near-ish my house, so....give me a call when you go and I'll meet you there!!!!!
Posted by: heather at February 2, 2009 10:35 AM
Is there a street named Dolores?
Posted by: Hope at February 3, 2009 06:25 PM