March 27, 2009
Corpse Coutour
Regular reader Hope read my family's morbid birthday conversation (or as Heather calls it -- pillow talk) and left the following comment:
A friend and I told her sister we're burying her in a t-shirt that says WHORE across the front. She's a very private, chaste person who doesn't swear or do anything devious. She's actually petrified we'll go ahead and do it. Which we will.
Thereby instantly endearing herself to me with her desire to torment chaste, private people in death. It's like sunshine on my heart.
So I emailed her: OMG! I wanna be buried in a t-shirt that says "I'm totally blogging this!"
She emailed back: Maybe we can start a business - T-Shirts to Die For. You can bury your loved one (or not-so-loved one) in a t-shirt with an obnoxious saying on it. Like 'WHORE', 'I'm totally blogging this', 'When it rains, it whores'.
T-shirts to Die For. LOVE IT. Heather will, of course, be our model for our website, posing in an open coffin. And from there, it just turned into dueling banjos of inappropriateness.
Me:
"I'm not dead -- I'm just pretending so you people will leave me alone."
"Don't fight over my stuff."
"I killed myself to get away from you people."
"Don't give my dog to Uncle Bob."
Hope:
"I'm wearing clean underwear"
"I told you I was dying, why didn't you help me?"
"I left you nothing in the will"
Me:
"The mortician touched me inappropriately."
"I see you didn't splurge on my coffin."
"See you in hell!"
"I can't believe you wore THAT to my funeral."
Hope:
"You were never my favorite"
"I've been cheating on you."
"Now who's fat?"
Me:
"Forgot to tell you -- it's contagious."
"Guess where I hid all my money..."
"Stay away from canned clams -- trust me."
Hope:
"The butler did it"
"Life sucks, then you die"
"Party on Wayne, party on Garth"
Me:
"It's not you, it's me."
"Pull my finger."
Hope:
"I died and all I got was this stupid t-shirt'"
Me:
"<--- I'm with stupid."
I believe, in time, these t-shirts with be de rigour for the rigamortis set. Custom shirts available!
Comments
Wow. Brainstorming at it's finest. Hilarious and probably more of a money-maker than you think.
Posted by: Kate at March 27, 2009 10:55 AM
The one I would need? "Let me apologize in advance for what you will find in the box under the stairs..."
Posted by: Marty at March 27, 2009 11:49 AM
Marty - that's a great one! We'll add it to the list and be sure you get any royalties from that one.
I thought of another one too, one that would totally apply in my case: "Hopefully the life insurance covers all my unpaid bills."
Posted by: Hope at March 27, 2009 02:55 PM
I was laughing out loud at this one. I'd like to get a picture of myself wearing one and have it turned into a poster that can be desplayed next to my urn...You could come out with a line of comedic urns as well.
Posted by: lolly at March 27, 2009 04:10 PM
Urn Quotes:
'I'm finally a size 6'
'Don't let the cat tip this over'
'I can still see you'
'Overcooked'
'Don't smoke what's in here'
'Must be displayed on the mantle'
Posted by: Hope at March 28, 2009 10:33 AM