March 09, 2009
"The Girl Who Everyone Hated Before They Even Arrived In Vegas"
Continued from Friday, the second half of the "America's Next Top Model" premiere...
I go upstairs to see Older Step Daughter to the door and miss some confrontation about sleeping arrangements. This is what I get for being polite! As usual, Tyra has cleverly provided one less bed than is necessary. Two Cups and Kenya start getting into it, but London jumps in to do what Jeebus would do -- sleep on the floor.
Rock Me, Sexy London!
You know, I'm hoping that having a preachy Born-Again is going to make for some awesome, self-righteous arguments, but she may turn out to be just a wet blanket. Watch out, London -- that kind of drama-quelling behavior will get you sent home!
Tyra Mail! "Something something bridge the gap between good and bad." The bridge is the 59th Street, where The Js point to Guastavino's because the girls will be walking in some fashion show featuring a collection that represents "Bad Girl vs. Good Girl."
Honestly, I can't tell the Good Girl clothes from the Bad Girl clothes. Epilepsy Girl is terrified of the strobe lights on the runway because they could trigger a seizure. And of all the ridiculous complaints we've suffered through on this show, I think that one is the most valid.
Doll Eyes walks EXACTLY like Sally in "A Nightmare Before Christmas." It's uncanny. Kenya only goes about a third of the way down the runway. In her defense, they probably don't have a lot of runways in Kenya. However, there IS a t.v. monitor backstage by which the girls can watch what's going on. She couldn't figure it out?
Burnie is very upset because, while the other girls are wearing sundresses and bathing suits, she's wearing a suit-suit. All covered up. And I just want to say -- DUH. Modeling is the industry where they find impossibly beautiful women and then airbrush the shit out of them. I think it's awesome that she's not a self-loathing hermit, but I'm wondering if she really thought through this career choice.
Back at the house, all the girls are in their beds, with the lights on, talking before turning in. All the girls except Kenya, that is. She'd rather bitch at them and piss on their excitement than join in the comraderie. In her defense, it's probably 3am in Kenya. Or something.
Tyra Mail! "Eenie meenie miney moe, make it good from head to toe." The girls go to Central Park with Jay, who is dressed like a gay stormtrooper, for a childhood-games-themed photo shoot. I'm thinking it shouldn't be too hard for these drop-outs to embrace their inner immaturity.
There are some "bad girl" extras for the shoot, and one of them is preggers. Hee! And the extras do a much better job than any of the wanna-bes. I know that I'm Rubenesque and not very pretty, but after watching eleven seasons of this tripe, I feel like I could model the shit outta anything. Haven't any of the contestants actually watched the show?
Tyra Mail! Judging! Burnie is sure she's going home. I think so, too. Tyra has made her point, and Burnie has served her purpose. Although, in all fairness, most of the girls sucked as least as bad as Burnie. Maybe they'll do a surprise multiple elimination?
You be the judge:
Kenya did not do as well as she thought at hide 'n' seek.
Two Cups actually did well at hula-hoop.
Freckles is adorable but not a model.
Aminat's strong face is good, but wrong for the shoot.
London is cute at tug-o-war.
Jessica... who's Jessica?
Wind Tunnel has "wind in the face."
Epilepsy, like many of us, struggled with dodgeball.
Prom Queen had the best shot.
Cheesecake looks like she's in "Good Housekeeping."
Doll Eyes is adorable, but no one could double-dutch.
Burnie's pose looks like Peter Pan.
Natalie sucks at leap-frog.
Deliberations!
Aminat is brilliant on the runway. London is wide in the hips. Epilepsy doesn't stand out. Cheesecake is charming times three. Burnie is a role model but not a model model.
Doll Eyes is shocked to be called first, making her eyes go even wider. Eek. Everyone else is called but Kenya and Epilepsy.
Epilepsy has great girl-next-door looks but is kinda lost in front of the camera. Kenya sucked ass at both runway and photos... and yet, she stays. Because Tyra knows that she will ensure some awesome drama in the house, where as Epilepsy may go the entire time without a seizure, and that's not good television.
Next episode: MAKEOVERS! Wow, this seems early in the season for the makeover episode, doesn't it? Maybe Tyra realized what ugly girls she picked and decided to fasttrack them into some new hair-dos to save face.