April 29, 2009
The Request
My Mom recently had back surgery, after months of being in pain. Don't freak out -- she's well on her way back to health and mobility. But in the days immediately preceeding her surgery, I went over to her house to vacuum, and I went grocery shopping for her. Because, apparently, my RETIRED father can't do those things.
Knowing him, if I gave him any shit about it, he'd just grunt something like, "I didn't get married and have three daughters so that I could do housework!" And then he'd dip a stick in mud and diagram his indignation on the wall with crude stick figures.
No matter. Mommie Dearest wiped my butt, my nose and my tears for many, many years, so I'm glad for the opportunities to repay her. The other day, I had another such phone message waiting for me when I got home from work:
MD: Hello! It's me. I'm wondering if you could help me.
PW: [Okay. What can't Dad do this time?]
MD: My back is feeling better, but it's still not perfect, and I haven't been able to reach my feet in six months.
PW: [This does not bode well.]
MD: My toenails are pretty bad.
PW: [Dear God, no. Please, don't ask me.]
MD: Your father is far-sighted, so I don't want him to do it.
PW: [She's really going to ask me. It's like I'm staring at a train speeding right for me, but I can't get out of the way.]
MD: So I was wondering...
PW: [NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!]
MD: Where do you go to get your pedicures? Call me back! Bye!
PW: [THANK YOU, JEEBUS! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!]
So I called her and told her, and she asked, "Your father wants to know if they do men's toes, too."
"Yes. But he'd better give her a HUGE tip! I've seen that man's feet!"
Seriously, his toenails are like tree bark. Uck.
Comments
Mom's gettin' a pedicure? Good for her! If Dad goes with her to get one, I'm gonna need a picture of the two of them sitting there with their feet soaking.
Posted by: Billi at April 30, 2009 06:50 PM