April 08, 2009
"The Girls Who Behave Way Too Maturely For This Show"
Okay, before I start all this recap business, I have to take a moment to bitch about AT&T.
First, our phone was disconnected for several days, which means that our internet was also not working. Now, I certainly don't mind the phone staying quiet for days at a time, especially since it's mayorial election season in my home town, and I'm reeeaaally tired of political phone calls. But Wenchie not having 24/7 access to my blog is UNTHINKABLE.
Now, I thought it was because I am ghetto and paid our bill late. And it's just like AT&T to turn off our phone because our check arrived three minutes late. But it turns out that, no, they didn't turn it off. It's just that their service sucks and went out on its own.
TWO -- count 'em -- TWO service calls later, we had our phone connection back. And we had internet for about a day, and then it went out again. Phone is still on. Internet is not.
It's been since THURSDAY, people. THURSDAY!!! Normally, I change my icons and subheadings at the beginning of every month. But I haven't been able to. Nor have I been able to recap last Wednesday's episode of "America's Next Top Model" because it's just too involved of a post to do at work. Very link-intensive and all.
Therefore, I will do a very half-assed -- or even quarter-assed -- recap here, and then ask you all to send good karma vibes to my internet connection. Maybe there will be an Easter miracle!
Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Celia embarassed herself by sticking her nose in Tahlia's bid'ness and getting sassy with Mama Tyra.
Tahlia and Celia sit down and talk about what happened at eliminations. Nothing is really resolved, but at least they are calm, open and mature. Which is to say -- the exact opposite of everyone else in the house, who have taken sides and gotten all up in each others' grills.
The girls have a face-making practice session with Beth, Howard Stern's wife, who has had a really bad nose job. One of those nose jobs where they make the nose freakishly thin and end up looking like an alien, but not the good kind of alien that seduces human men to build a hybrid race to rule the universe.
They all pretty much suck, except for Natalie, who wins the challenge, and then is a total douche about it. Natch.
At this week's photoshoot, all the girls have to represent a color, which is haphazardly blown on their faces. Here are their photos:
Pink Allison went for girly but, apparently, "has no range," according to Jay. However, the judges love her photo.
Green Aminat was going for "earthy," whereas I would've gone for "envy," but whatever. The judges "love her lips" and think that she "nailed it."
Grey Celia gives her "most relaxed face ever" (which is a back-handed compliment if I ever heard one), but the judges are still seething about the crap she pulled last week.
Red Fo does just freakin' fabulous. The judges see a bit of Janice in her (JANICE!!!), and I want to eat her with tortilla chips and sour cream. Tyra calls her "Mama's pupil" because she's "smiling with her eyes."
Blue London is "pure genius" at the shoot, but at panel, they come up with a photo where she's giving the same face as the previous week. I smell sabotage.
Orange Natalie gets told by Jay, "You needed those extra frames [you won in the challenge]." The judges think that she just plain "doesn't photograph well."
White Sandra (which is the first time those words have been used together) tried for "peaceful" and "angelic," but the judges don't like her face straight-on.
Purple Tahlia got all flirty with the camera man, and in her photo, "her eyes draw you in." But she's "a drip in person."
Yellow Teyona "can't smile" because she looks like she's "selling denture cream." But Tyra thinks she's a "brown girl next door."
Fo gets called first for photos. Yay! Sandra and Celia are left in the Bottom Two. Sandra for being ugly on the outside, and Celia for being ugly on the inside. Sandra goes home and interviews that... well, I'm sure you can guess. We don't need to hear any more from her.
Tyra tells Celia, "I hope you learned your lesson. You don't mess with another girl's money." Words to live by. And I'm not even being sarcastic. (Jill.)
Next episode: Clay Aiken. Really?