April 27, 2009
"The Girl Who Gets Fat"
Previously on "America's Next Top Model,"... oh, I've forgotten everything because of that damn recap episode. Enh, I'm sure we'll have no trouble catching-up.
Allison is disturbed that she always looks the same in her photos and blames her weird-ass eyes. Celia confesses that she has to think of sex to get a good photo.
Tyra Mail! "A top model knows how to be direct." Teyona believes it means they'll "be leaving to go, ya know, abroad."
Celia asks London about her street preaching. London is trying to keep her "relationship with God at 110% because he's the reason that I'm here." I didn't know that Jeebus was an ANTM fan! I wonder if he reads my blog...?
The girls arrive at some shoot where Jay Manuel explains what the hell his job is anyway -- hair, make-up, lighting, style. And I believe his hair is now actually perrywinkle. Their challenge is to do his job for the day, and to help judge them is Seventeen editor Ann Shoket.
The clothes they'll be modeling are by "important designer" South Pole. I hate that phrase -- important designer. I'm sorry, I love clothes as much as the next gal, but the people who design them just AREN'T important. Not in the grand scheme of things. They're not curing anything or saving anyone or advancing a plan to stop world hunger. Just shutthefuckup and make a cute hoodie, okay?
The look of the shoot will be "street with attitude." The winner gets to be in an editorial fashion spread in Seventeen.
Natalie has Teyone all ghetto-fied. Oooh, the girls choose each other's final shots. I guess they could sabotage each other, except that a crappy shot would also jeopardize themselves... Will someone throw themself under a bus and hope their past work will save them, in order to get rid of an opponent? Is anyone here that clever and daring?
Teyone's "walking" photos "look awkward instead of stylish," according to Jay. And he's right.
Allison is totally into the creative work with Aminat. Jay isn't loving her lack of continuity, but Aminat's final photo looks fab.
London has gained 10 to 15 lbs. since casting, so she and Fo try to find something that won't make her look fat. Although, if Fo is thinking, she'll pick adorable clothes that accentuate London's dumpiness. Geez, do I have to teach these girls how to be evil?
Aminat knows enough to put her hateful, vengeful feelings towards Natlaie behind her and put on her "professional face," but Aminat still fucks up and doesn't get Natalie ready in time. Natalie's final shot isn't even good enough for a Target flyer.
Teyone's vision for Celia is "project diva." Hee! Jay is impressed with her work but hates the final shot that she chooses.
London makes Allison into, basically, a clone of herself, right down to the ugly-ass headband. Jay loves Allison's make-up but hates the rest of her.
Jay and Ann judge the girls, and Teyona wins! She says, "It just touched my heart." Awwwwwwww. That's kinda cute and... odd. She gets to pick two friends, so she picks her model, Celia, and her sistah, Aminat. Fo feels left out cuz she thought that she was Teyona's "homie in the house."
Tyra Mail! "You haven't had too much R&R. Maybe it's time for some R&B."
Jay shows up at the house at the crack of cow-milking, while the girls are still asleep. Hmm, that kind of has a creepy factor for me. Allison is horrified because she "looks like a woodland creature." Which is actually spot on.
Hair and make-up come to the house this time, and I'm LOVING and COVETING the girls' smokey, sultry eyes. I seriously need my own hair and make-up person. Just think -- a blow-out and smokey eyes every day!
The doorbell rings, and Jay has Aminat answer the door. It's someone named Ciara, who is apparently a big deal in the R&B world. She's really pretty, I'll give her that. And she suffers Aminat's dry-humping with unwavering grace.
Everyone goes to Webster Hall so they can pose with Ciara on stage, "twined in her microphone cord." Nice English, Jay.
London is not happy about the bare-all outfits for the day, which basically look like the girls are wrapped in duct tape. And mind you, it's not like she's fat. It's just that now her thighs touch a little.
She gets a lecture from Jay on her weight and treating her body like a temple. She totally cops to it because what else can she do? Jay blah-blahs about "eating a balanced diet," but we all know it's time for our good friend bulemia to step in.
Celia and Teyona rock the house. Natalie's hair is ridiculously big. Like her ego. Jay gets pissed at Allison, but that actually brings some good photos outta her. Aminat is the worst of the day.
Tyra Mail! Judging!
The girls chit-chat in the bathroom, and London apparently thinks that God is testing her by putting her in a modeling competition and then making her fat. Boy, and I thought God liked to mess with ME!
At judging, Tyra is giving her usual schpiel when a young man in a Speedo saunters in bearing gifts from his country. Ah, the gift is Brazil nuts! The girls are going to Brazil! So of COURSE Miss J is going to put fruit on his head!
Natalie is "stunning and fabulous," but up close, her face is scary.
Aminat seems "lost," like she's just reclining and waiting for grapes.
The judges fawn all over Celia and her photo. I still think she's a horseface.
Teyona is getting the first photo this week, I'll bet.
London has a "strange tension in her face." And Miss J just lays it all on the carpet by asking her what she's eating. Mean!
Fo looks adorable in the dress she's wearing to judging, and they eat up her photo, too.
Allison proves that she's not a one-trick pony by pulling off a photo where she looks "more like a ferocious cat," according to Nigel.
Ooh. Allison makes the serious flub of telling Ruiz the photographer that this shoot was her favorite, with Nigel sitting right next to him. Faux pas! Dueling photographers! Allison wants to die and totally cops to messing up. The judges give her shit about not going to Brazil, and she's clearly about to cry.
You know, she was trying to make a point about it being the shoot where she was forced to really leave her comfort zone -- which is what they've been at her to do -- but I guess they'd rather give her shit than listen to what she's learned. Assholes.
Deliberations!
Natalie gave a great picture. Aminat would be great for runway but not for print. Celia may be just a great stylist. Teyona consistantly gives good photos. London's eyes have that perma-smile that Tyra loves, but she's a fatty. Allison has a fantastic face but is a yawn.
Teyona gets the first photo -- I called it! And then Fo, Natalie, Celia and Allison. Aminat and London are in the Bottom Two. No, not Aminat! Oh, thank God. She's going to Brazil! But London is not.
London hugs all the girls individually. She thought that she'd be upset with God, but she's not. Well, she should be! He totally smote her thighs!
Next episode: The girls go to Brazil, and Fo says, "Screw you, bitches."
Oh, and here are some random photos from the website of the girls in Brazil wearing horribly offensive Brazilian-esque clothes: Allison, Aminat, Celia, Fo and Teyona. Hmmm, no Natalie. Methinks the CW may have put up some photos prematurely...? But we all knew she was going home anyway.