April 13, 2009
The Gospel According to Wenchie
This is not good. I am getting a reputation. The reputation of being The Churchy Person. I KNOW! The irony is killing me! But apparently, I am now the go-to person for all of my family's gospel-related needs. There goes all my street cred!
Spikette teaches Sunday School. Yes, a woman who wants to do lurid things with the bleach-blonde undead is leading America's youth to spiritual salvation. Glory hallelujah!
So Spikette called me and was like, "You work at that churchy place. I have a question about a Bible passage."
For her Sunday School class, made up of 3rd graders, the cirriculum called for Spikette to somehow tie together Abraham's near-slaughter of his son Isaac (my least-fav Bible story), shepherds and lost sheep, and some sort of dramatic puppet show. And make it all relatable to eight-year olds.
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No, really. And she's not even getting paid!
Clearly, she was at a loss, so she turned to me -- Your Helpful Neighborhood Theologin. Who doesn't really like children. Or teaching. Or puppets. Shepherds I like. But I digress.
Yes, I've read the Bible. It bored the shit outta me, but I read it because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. My favorite story, which doesn't get told very often, is the one about Balaam and his talking donkey, but there I go, digressing again.
Inspired by the talking donkey, I pulled a Sunday School sacrifice-shepherd-drama lesson right outta my ass. Pun intended.
I told her to forget the Bible lesson because it's creepy and disturbing to small children; instead, focus on the shepherd-protecting-his-sheep aspect of the day; have the kids break into small groups and come up with a three-minute skit about how they can be a "shepherd" to a lost sheep in their daily lives; discuss amongst the class.
Am I not brilliant? Perhaps I should rethink this whole seminary thing...
Yeah, RIGHT.
I made Spikette promise to tell me how it went and got this response:
Thank you for your great Sunday School suggestion. We had 2 groups of 3rd graders making up a skit on a) either how to be kind to others or b) how to help those who are "lost".One group of three had a girl asking her friend for money for breakfast, since she didn't eat yet. The boy said no. Then Jesus came and told him to give the girl money. She gave a dollar, Jesus said more. She gave another one, Jesus said more. She threw in another dollar, so the girl had a whole $3 for breakfast!!!
The other group of 4 had a girl who kept stealing. The devil was on one shoulder telling her to do it; an angel was on the other shoulder telling her not to. Then God would come out after each theft and say "You should not steal. Just for that, you have to go to church". In the end, she gave everything back.
For 5-10 minutes of prep time, it wasn't bad. We had lots of time for discussing how to help those who are lost and how to be a good Christian with ways to help others.
HA! Two things that I love. Okay, three -- the first being that I am awesome.
I love that Jesus resorted to peer pressure. And I love that church is a punishment. A little peek into the spiritual minds of 3rd graders.
What the hell kind of breakfast is she supposed to get for three bucks?!
Comments
That is hilarious! Well done! So... um, you do remember that the thing that Abraham ended up sacrificing was a lost sheep, caught in the fence, right?
Posted by: Herc at April 13, 2009 07:05 PM
The reason I contacted you for help was because you DO know the bible. How else could you have discussions with High Schoolers? I've read the Bible (not the King James version - at least not most of it. I've read easier to read Bibles, including Bible for Dummies!)but the stories don't really stay with me - except for the ones from Sunday School and the repeats you hear in church all the time. You, on the other hand, know your stuff and are willing to share your thoughts. I'm doing the skit thing with 2nd graders this week. I'll let you know how it goes.
Posted by: Spikette at April 15, 2009 12:22 PM