May 06, 2009
"The Girl Who Can't Reach Success"
Previously on "America's Next Top Model," the CW couldn't get their shit together to get full episodes on their stupid website fast enough because they're too busy jerking each other off to "Gossip Girl," so I had to resort to YouTube.
The girls talk about how awesome it is that Natalie is gone, and somehow Celia segues that into talking about how insightful and fabulous she is. America, meet The New Natalie.
Tyra Mail! "You need to hit the ground running if you want to fly." The girls are thinking para-sailing and hang-gliding.
Fo admits that she never thought she'd make it this far and that most of her life has been "half-assed." Kiss of death right there, people.
The girls go to the HQ for Brazilian Fashion Week. Go-sees! "That made me want to die a little bit," says Allison. Too bad that the designers are looking for "style, personality and soul." I think being dead would eliminate her from at least one of those catagories.
They are going by taxi, and their deadline is 3:30. There is the usual bitching about traffic. 'Cause... America doesn't have traffic...? Celia beats Teyona to several locations by a hair.
Things the designers don't like about the girls: Celia's advanced age of 25; Allison's shyness and walk; Fo's shorty-shortness at 5'8".
Things the designers do like about the girls: Fo's ethnic look; Aminat's walk; Teyona's whole package; Celia's confidense.
The girls start arriving back at HG. Teyona is first. Says Aminat, "I made it with, like, ten minutes to spare, which is good because I'm African -- I'm never on time."
Is that a black thing? Being late? How come I don't know about this? The sistahs are holding out on me! I need to know allllllll their secrets!
Allison makes it back as well. Celia gets back at 3:31. The girls give her shit, but she's all, "I'm on time, I'm fine." Hmm. We'll see... Fo is totally late.
The girls go back... somewhere... by helicoptor. But Celia and Fo are not allowed to get on the 'coptor because they were late. HA! Suck it, Celia! The tardy girls have to take a taxi.
Allison went on four go-sees, and the designers like her look, but she needs to work on her personality and her walk. The designers love Aminat and think she has a great walk. But Teyona, well, she is "everything a designer is looking for in a model." Hard to top that.
The "weiner" of the challenge (that's what the lady said -- "weiner") will get a piece from every designer's collection that they saw that day. And it's Teyona! The clothes are waiting for her when they all return to the house.
Teyona is being very protective of her clothes, and I don't blame her around these grabby bitches. Fo cries. Celia can barely choke back the bile of envy rising in her throat.
Tyra Mail! "Top models get maximum exposure. Tomorrow you'll know what that feels like." Oooh, nudie!
Jay shows up at the beach wearing the gayest shorts and muscle shirt I've ever seen. Or maybe they just look gay on him. You know Nigel told Tyra he'd waive his entire fee for the season if she's just give him the high-fashion swimwear shoot.
It's going to be a crowd shot, from which the girls will have to stand out. Easy for Celia, being the palest, most aged corpse on the Brazilian shoreline. Dear God, these girls have no boobies. HA! I love the extras! They're all fat tourists with coconut drinks!
All the girls must be wearing thongs because the CW is pixelating their butt cheeks. Aminat looks amazing. Bitch was built for bikinis. Fo doesn't interact with her surroundings and looks like Gollum, according to Jay.
Allison plays with the fat guy and Nigel loves it. So does the fat guy. But Teyona is the one who makes Nigel smile.
OHMYGODHA! Celia sucks so bad that Nigel has to put down his camera and show her what to do, which is to make sweet love to the fat guy. It's so awkward and horrible! Ack! I can't look!
Tyra Mail! Judging!
There will be no judging of Teyona in her new designer dress because she is fierceness personified, and Tyra is going to have to think of a new, ridiculous adjective just for her! I think it should be "Bongo!" "Bongo" is the new superlative!
Nigel listed all of Celia's shortcomings on set, and to her credit, she totally owned them and didn't make those excuses that Tyra & Co. so hate.
The judges describe Aminat's body as "wow," "spectacular" and "slammin'." But she's not using it to her advantage in her photos.
Okay, this "best shot" of Fo... no. They are totally fucking with her. This can't possibly be the best photo. This is their excuse to send her home. Well, she also didn't book any go-sees. Oh, that's not good.
Tyra calls Allison a "sexual mermaid that washed up on the shores of Brazil." That's good, right? But she only booked one go-see because of her in-person insecurity.
Deliberations!
Teyona has blown the judges away. Celia looks like she's never been in front of a camera before. "Fo looks like monkey-scrunch." Aminat needs to get some tension in her body. Allison was versitile and worked the set but was a wreck immediately following.
Teyona, of course, gets her photo first. Allison's next, followed by Aminat. This leaves Fo and Celia in the Bottom Two. I'm glad about either one of them leaving. Fo is a wuss, and Celia is a geezer. Tyra points out both of their flaws -- Celia's age and Fo's lack of height.
So who stays? Celia. But I don't care. As long as she goes home next week. Fo's waterworks go into high gear, but she leaves with grace and sweetness. Oddly enough for the house's biggest crybaby, she leaves with a really positive attitude. And a pink hoodie. Bye, sweet pea! Don't underestimate the power of a high school diploma!
Next episode, the girls have to samba with a man in a white suit, and Tyra takes the girls' photos, almost falling off a cliff in the process.
And now I'm caught up!
Comments
What was so sad is that Nigel actually made it look believeable when he was drapping himself over the fat guy - damn that man is good. Sigh... I so heart Nigel.
Posted by: Hope at May 6, 2009 01:06 PM