June 08, 2009
Well, It Has Happened
Actually, it probably happened well before now, but I just didn't notice with The Girl Child because there were still -- not one, but TWO adorable children immediate following her, so her transition from Sweet Angel to Mouthy Little Snot just didn't register.
Plus, since she is FEET taller than anyone else her age, I probably haven't asked her to sit on my lap since she was five. It's like having Billi on my lap. She just doesn't fit anymore.
The Spare isn't really a lap-dweller by nature. Once in a while -- like when I catch him playing with The Boy Child's D.S. and don't narc on him -- he will throw his arms around me and give me a kiss. But in general, he is not a cuddler.
The Boy Child is my cuddler. Always has been. Even at age six, he's still skinny enough to fold himself into thirds and fit very neatly in my lap, with room to spare even! And I relish every cuddle-session because I know that it could be my last.
But what the hell happened to his mouth? Mother Nature flipped a switch two months ago, and now my precious darling is all with the "I KNOW!" and "O-KAY!" and explosive sighs and rolling of the eyes. It is amazing and horrifying.
What happened to the little boy who adored me and did whatever I said? Who's this little shit with the attitude, testing me to see if I'm really as stupid as he hopes I am? Why is the cute phase so much shorter than the annoying phase? I'm going to have to wait another fifteen years until he's remotely tolerable again!
I expressed this to Billi, my concern for Boy Child's ever-darkening outlook towards his elders, and she assured me that Girl Child went through the same thing at six. We just have to wait it out. Or "nip it in the bud," as she put it. Which I assume means "beat it out of him." Right? I'm pretty sure.
I wonder if I'll get to do any of the actual beating, or if I'll just hand him off to Billi. "You just wait until your mother gets home!" Oooh, I'd be so good at saying that!
Instead, I find myself saying stupid stuff like, "Is that how you talk to me?" To which the answer is clearly, "Yes!"
I also found myself saying, "I really don't appreciate your attitude!" To which the answer is clearly, "Good!"
There's really nothing I can say that won't just give him another opportunity for follow-up smart-mouthy-ness. Yup, gonna have to beat him.