September 04, 2009
"Lord, Give Me Strength"
That was the subject line of the email that Billi sent to me. "Lord, give me strength." I figured it had to be either Boy Child or The Spare that was inspiring her plea for God's mercy. Billi specified which one:
Boy Child dropped his DS in the toilet today. Damn kid can't even pee without playing a video game. The little shit thinks Santa can just bring him a new one.
BWAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HAH A HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I really hope she wasn't expecting any sympathy because there was no way I could stop laughing long enough to whip up any convincing concern.
The most obviously funny thing about this is the mental picture of Boy Child standing at the toilet, his tiny wang in one hand, and his DS in the other.
The other funny things about this is more subtle, as it requires an intimate knowledge of Boy Child's psyche. Or having someone tell you about it on the internet.
Boy Child does not like water on him. Baths are okay because that's when you are supposed to be wet. But wetness at any other time is just wrong. If a droplet of water moistens his shirtsleeve like the morning dew while he is washing his hands, he must change his shirt.
I think he might be a little O.C.D. I don't know where he gets it...
So here's the child who will not voluntarily become damp outside of bathtime, standing next to the toilet, gazing into the bowl, staring at the red DS sitting on the bottom.
The dialogue inside his head begins:
I gotta get it outta there.
But it's the toilet.
I can't leave it in there. I'm not done with my game.
But there's water in the toilet.
If I leave it, Mom will find it and kill me.
If you get it, you're going to get wet.
Can I fish it out with something?
It's pee-water! What if it gets on your sleeve?!
Maybe Girl Child will get it for me...
Girl Child will tell on you.
I don't have a choice. I have to stick my hand in.
I wonder how long he stood there, contemplating all options. Oh, he amuses me so. I'm telling this story at his wedding.