October 02, 2009
Boobs 'n' Blood
Mom, there will always be things to rant about. So long as there is breath in this body!
And I am feeling the need to compensate for the whiney, self-pitying crab-fest that I puked into your laps on Tuesday. So here are some funny things about work.
Boobs
I was totally busted checking out some woman's bust at work. In my defense, her boobs are amazing, especially for her age.
Judging by the wrinkles, she's definitely older than me. And yet? Her boobs are, like, three inches from her chin! It's crazy! Once a woman hits 30, her tits start trying to flee from her face! Where does she get off have such buoyant boobies?! It's not fair!
I was merely trying to discern what kind of bra she was wearing, so I could go get one. But then yeah. Totally busted. She gave me a really dirty look, too, which I think is completely unfair. I mean, if you're going to display them like that, you can't get pissed when people notice! It's just rude.
Blood
If you've noticed that the Lamb of God looks a little anemic lately, it's because I sloshed a bunch of His blood all over my hand in chapel yesterday. Yeah, I was Assisting Minister again, which means that I'M the one who has to pour the blood of Christ into the chalice. It never goes perfectly.
I poured too fast, and I slopped Jeebus blood onto the altar tablerunner, my hand, and the sleeve of my alb. Holy Moses, I just used "alb" in a sentence. Correctly. I think...
Anyway, I didn't know what to do. It would look tacky if I wiped my hand on the alb, and I didn't want to stain it. So I just... let it dry. Dried Jeebus blood, on my hand. We don't believe in transubstantiation, but it's still a little disconcerting to be covered in something that had been consecrated.
Should I be worried that it burned a little...?